


Purebred Akatsuki

by Pokemonmasterchampionpink



Category: Naruto
Genre: Akatsuki - Freeform, Akatsuki Uzumaki Naruto, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Jealousy, Multi, POV Male Character, POV Multiple, POV Original Character, Reverse Harem, Romance, Smut, Swearing, akatukitties, idk what crack is is this crack?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-03-04 20:09:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13372170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pokemonmasterchampionpink/pseuds/Pokemonmasterchampionpink
Summary: AkatsukittiesWhat comes after death? After their death six members of the akatsuki find themselves reborn into cat bodys.Updated weekly every Sunday.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am in love with this fandom sooo much.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Itachi POV  
> Deidara POV

“I don’t know Rachael, six kittens would be a lot to handle.” A voice sounded out in a worried fashion. The reply was not as concerned.

“You’ve done this before. Remember that time you had twelve!” A soft agreement could be heard. “Besides they all came in together, it will be a shame to split them up and they look purebred, so they should be adopted pretty soon.”

“I guess.” The first speaker replied a little bit more resolutely. 

“And, everyone else was already full up. So please please please please please, foster these adorable babies!!!!” The voice name Racheal begged incessantly.

The scene was an animal shelter and the two woman were standing at the counter with a cat carrier between them. Nestled inside were six sleeping kittens adorable as adorable could be. 

“Ok, ok! Just don’t give me those puppy dog eyes!” A good hearted chuckle rang out. 

“Thanks Mary your a are lifesaver.” Racheal sighed in relief. “They got a dewormer and all the shots but the doctor only has time next week to nutter them all so hows Tuesday, all day, for you?” She added with a laugh. 

Mary picked up the carrier careful not to arouse it’s passengers. “That should be fine for me, I’ll let you get to your patients now, see you Tuesday.”

And with that the carrier and the woman named Mary took their leave. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Flashback 

Twenty four hours. One thousand four hundred and forty minutes. An eternity. 

He had been man handled, to say the least, injection with multiple things, and they had tried to feed him something horrible. Worst of all he couldn’t access his chakra network. 

He would say at least he wasn’t alone in this situation but his companions were anything but a relief. Kakuzu and Sasori had been as “pleasant” as always. Hidan and Dedira as disruptive as always. Only Kismame’s personality seemed off, he was far to quiet. 

It seemed the only person trying to find out they’re situation was him. If that could be said, because right now he was not a person, but indeed a cat, a baby cat. 

Itachi Uchiha, was a kitten. All of them were kittens. 

The last thing he remembered was the Edo Tensei, defeating kabuto, and making peace with Saskue. He should be in the after life now. This seemed far from a heaven but it was far from what he imagined a hell. 

Hidan and Deidara had ceased they’re clawing at each other a while ago and were now surprisingly sleeping on top of one another. The others and him had been discussing their predicament, but they were running low on clues to anything. He couldn't tell what village they were in, he had never seen some of the technology they used. “Sleep would do us all well.” Said Kakuzu simply, then he slowly made his way over to them and curled up to go to sleep as well. Next to him Sasori yawned then rather grumpily made his way to the others. He was slightly irritated with their lack of enthusiasm. 

“Maybe your overthinking this.” Kisame said giving him a toothy grin. “What if this is hell?” 

“My life was a hell.” He replied “ this seems more an inconvenience.” At least his sight was back. 

He laughed at that. “ Well that might be for you, but if this is the after life I intend to enjoy it!” He said rather resolutely and with that he went to the growing pile to sleep too. 

While being wake for a whole day wouldn’t have effected him much before, the pull of sleep seem to much for him to take now. And for some reason the need to huddle with the now sleeping other called to him as well. Finally deciding being together would be better than being separated again, Itachi made his way to the edge of the mass of snoring kittens. He curled into a tight ball near Kisame and fell asleep. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As his little kitten back stretched Deidara gave out a purr. ‘That’s nice’ he thought to himself. 

Point one in favor of his current situation.

He had lost count of how many points he was against it.

Dejectedly he stared at a tiny yellow paw devoid of his prized kinjutsu mouths. Sighing he gave it a lick then ran it over his long fur to straighten it. 

Again he sighed and this time new smells assaulted his nose causing him to stiffen. They were no longer at the animal healers. This place smelled much more pleasant. The smell of cooking food and vanilla permeated thought the place. 

Glancing back at the sleeping other he debated whether not he should wake them. Hidan gave out a snort and kicked Kakuzu who gave a groan in return but continued to sleep. 

“Definitely not, hn.” He grumbled.

Looking in the opposite direction Deidara found the bars to their prison left open. Torn with his desire to be free and the need to stay safe he ran to the exit before stopping to examine his new hell. It could be a trap.

In a moment both eyes dilated to account for light and focused like they both were his trained left eye.

‘Point two.’

From the looks of it their portable cage had been set on the floor of a bathroom. It was stark, just a toilet and sink but surprisingly expensive looking. 

Though the healers seemed well of as well so maybe they were some place classy. Maybe somewhere in the land of fire. 

Deidara was under the impression this was just another jutsu, like that damned Edo Tensei. At lest this time he was alive for real, Hidan’s claw marks in his side had proved that. 

He had taken a few steps out into the open when he hear something approach the closed door. Quickly he darted back to the relative safety of the prison and spied out. 

The door quickly opened and closed and a massive socked leg came into view. 

“Are none of you awake yet?” Asked a rather curious voice before it’s owner went to the corner of the room and set something down. 

In his attempt to get a better look Deidara moved half way out the cage. That had been a mistake. 

The large figure turned and spotted him before he could make an escape. He froze in fear. What would this demon do, what could it do that the others hadn’t. He couldn’t defend himself well in this tiny cat body with only tiny claws and teeth. He wished he had his clay.

“Well hello there handsome, did you have a good nap?” She asked, bending down to sit on her knees. 

He hissed at her. 

“Shh, it’s ok, I’m not gonna hurt you little guy.” She tried reassuring him. 

“Ya right, hn!” He replied angry. 

“You hungry. I’m sure they fed you at the clinic, but this is some grade A can tuna here. How about it buddy.” She replied herself in a lilting tone reaching back to pick up one of the object she had set down. It was a paper plate with chunks of fish on it. 

Deidara eyed her warily. True the healer had nothing to offer but dried pet kibble and he would eat his own clay before he’d swallow any of that. Cautiously he walked over and gave it a tentative sniff. It was indeed tuna. 

“It’s all good.” She told him before delicate fingers daintily picked up a single piece and she ate some herself. Blinking at him innocently. 

He could feel the ache in this stomach that had stared hours ago and could ignore no longer. Over come he dug in. It wasn't amazing but it wasn't cat food.

“There you go handsome.” she cooed at him and gave his back a pet. Deidara was too hungry to bat her away and he had to admit it felt nice. He especially had to admit it when he heard himself purr. 

“Your a sweetie.” She told him giving a particularly good scratch to his ear that he leaned into. Semi satisfied for now he decided to appraise their new captor. 

Although she seemed huge to him now he figured she could be as tall as Sasori, but it was hard to tell in this state. Her green, brown eyes gave him a happy look and long bushy brown hair was tied back in a simple braid. 

She was all feminine and large soft curves and couldn’t be much older then him. He had to admit this was the most attractive person they had run into so far. But she seemed just as intent as “petting” him as the others had been. 

“Point three, hn.” he grumbled to himself leaning into her hand again. 

“That’s some fur you have, must be some long hair breed in there, hum?" She questioned him then added as an after thought, softly "Sooo handsome.” Deidara didn’t disagree with her. 

“Deidara, what are you doing?” Came a hiss form the cage. Both parties turned to look. 

Sasori was standing at the entrance, fur raised. His red fur puffed out to make him look like a tiny fire ball. 

“Calm down Sasori no Danna. She brought food, and it’s not that kibble, come have some, hn.” Deidara told him returning to eat some more himself. 

Sasori huffed at him. “And what if it’s poisoned.” But he was making his way over as well.

“She ate some too so it should he fine, hn?” 

Again Sasori huffed, but after a sniff in appraisal himself he took a small bite. 

“Good evening, another handsome man I see.” Claimed their jailer trying to pet Sasori, who hissed threateningly at her before returning to his meal. “Ok not a lover.” She said in a hurt tone. “How about you?” She asked out before lifting Deidara up. 

He struggled at first but was broken when she scratched under his chin. ‘God why does that feel so good’ he thought pathetically turning into jelly in her hands. 

She brought him up to her ample chest and hugged him slightly embarrassingly cooing the whole time “Your sooo soft!” Even more embarrassing she gave a small kiss to his forehead. Before setting him down once more. 

“Well I’ve gotta go eat my dinner too kitties, maybe after if your all awake we can decide on names before bed.” Then she rose and made her way to the door and Deidara made to follow her out. “No, no Mr. you stay in here for the night, you can explore in the morning.” She reassured him pushing out of the way with her foot and making her escape. 

He turned back to the plate to see Kisame had woken up as well and was eating a hearty portion. A glance to the cage showed both Hidan and Kakuzu making their way over too. If he wanted anymore Deidara better get back to the plate. And with another sigh that’s what he did. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews and suggestion are greatly welcomed like should this be a true harem or does Mary have to pick one of the boys at the end?
> 
> I have a pinterest board with info for anyone interested, it has picture of what that cats look like  
> https://www.pinterest.com/poleryeno/naruto-cat-fiction/


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakuzu and Hidan POVs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Speaking”  
> ‘Thinking’
> 
> The kittens can speak to one another but Mary only hears meowing.

Ninety one years of life, all he wanted now was an after life, any after life. But it seemed he was robbed of that as well. He sighed, feeling more down hearted, fitting seeing as he only had one heart left. Maybe people were right when they said time was worth more then money because he would give any amount now to end this hell of being brought back from death. Again. 

And as a kitten, could it be anymore pathetic. 

“Hey fuckers check this out!” Hidan yelled twisting his body oddly so he could lick his tail from under him. 

“Pathetic.” Kakuzu murmured under his breath. 

The food was long gone and even with a full stomach he felt no better. What was the point to all this, first the Edo Tensei now whatever this was. At least his body was alive and under his own control now. His inner musings were interrupted by the door opening and closing and in walked the young girl from before. 

She most definitely was not a shinobi, not with that body. 

“Ok so I’ve been thinking.” She started out, flopping down to sitting cross legged on the floor. “And I’ve been real into astronomy lately so how about planets as names.”

“Bitch I already have a name.” Hidan called out to her. 

“She can’t understand you fool.” Sasori told him under his breath. 

But she must have hear something because she giggled and reached out to Hidan “Silly boy.” She began before quickly pulling back as Hidan swiped at her. “ Ok, ok, Your like your friend Mr. sassy over there uh?” She child him jerking her head over Sasori who stared at her dispassionately. 

Then she turned to Deidara. “ How about you handsome, you want some more loven?” She asked holding her arms out to him. Without much deliberation he shrugged then sauntered over to her and she giggled again. The girl wrapped him up to her chest and scratched his head. 

“Kiss ass.” Hiden called out. 

To which Deidara huffed “Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it, hn.” Then he curled up in the girls arms and purred contently. 

“So you are just so handsome I’m calling you Venus, because of your beautiful fur.” Deidara huffed pridefully at that. “Now I know what your thinking, Venus was a goddess, and your a boy but I think it fits you to a tee.” She added with a giggle and kissed his head. 

Hidan laughed at this. “Ha, it’s a girls name!” He teased, rolling with laughter. 

“Are you laughing... weird cat...” Suddenly the girls inquisitive eyes were on Hidan. 

“Stop acting strange, behave more like a cat!” Kakuzu nearly hissed at him. ‘Idiot.’ He thought. It wouldn’t do well to have this girl be suspicious of them. 

“And how would a cat behave, fucker.” Hidan hissed back in response. 

“Licking your own ass earlier was a nice touch.” Laughed Kismame from where he and Itachi were sitting in the corner. Hidan hissed at him too. 

“Calm down there Luna.” The girl told Hidan eyeing him wearily. 

“Oh fuck no. That’s not my name.” 

Kakuzu took sight pleasure in Hidans misfortune, he had little left to live for now. He watched it half interest as she named the rest of them, coming up with her own reasons most of them simple enough. 

Sasori was Mars because he was red, Kisame was Neptune because he was blue (something about him being Russian blue to be exact), and Itachi was Saturn because of the strange ring in his eyes. 

Finally it was Kakuzu’s turn and he made his way to sit in front of her and get this over with. 

“Hello there big boy.” she said appraising him. “Ready for your turn? Gosh your big, must be Maine coon.” She whispered to herself while holding out her hand. He gave it a sniff and it smelled pleasantly of vanilla. But didn’t let her pet him. He wouldn't suffer that indignity. 

Undeterred she cuddled Deidara closer to her. “Jupiter.” She said resolutely with a nod. He nodded back at her. And she laughed. “You guys are weird...” She half whispered then returned to her seemingly one sided conversation. “You like that? It’s my favorite too, Jupiter is my planet you know I’ve got the symbol tattooed on me.” She said with a jerk of her thumb back to herself and he wondered were it could be. 

“Nice to meet you all my name is Mary.” She told them light heartedly, she seemed friendly and trusting enough. Traits Kakuzu didn’t find redeemable. 

Kakuzu accidentally replied with a hello of his own. “Oh my.” She gasped “What a deep meow you have and for such a young little man.” She laughed at him. The irony was not lost Kakuzu. 

“Well it’s time for bed baby boys.” The girl said setting Deidara down with a pat then standing up, brushing invisible dirt form her clothes. “Tomorrow you get to explore the house. Sleep tight.” Quickly, as Deidara was making to follow her, she escaped thought the door. 

Kakuzu stared at it, unsure for the first time of what to do next. 

Here he was alive, truly alive. But in what kind of state? Through all he’s year he never heard of a revival jutsu that turned someone into an animal or jutsu that turned anyone into and animal period. Sage jutsu put you more into to animal nature but you had to train that. This was not sage jutsu, Kakuzu didn’t know what this was. 

Or where he was for that matter. He was coming to to quick conclusion this was not anywhere he knew. The clothes where so different, the woman’s name was so foreign and everything was so advanced. In his Ninety one years he had seen things advanced in his life time and for what he could tell this was time far advanced from their own. 

He would need to talk to Itachi, the kid was smart. But if he was guessing they somewhere in the future, nowhere near any of the five great nations. And so far not a soul had any chakra. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hidan wasn’t the first one awake but he wasn’t the lasting either. And after a sinfully good stretch he decided to see what Itachi and Kisame were up to. He surprisingly hadn’t felt this good in a while. 

“When do we get more food?” He asked the others as he walked over to the water bowl. Kisame huffed at him. 

“Is that really your biggest concern right now?” Itachi asked rather testily. Hidan wonder what had his balls in a bunch. 

“Hey fuck you two!” Hidan yelled at them. “Stupid dream fucks...” he added under his breath. For Hidan was under the firm impression this was all just some crazy dream he was having while in that shit hole that Nara kid dropped him in. 

“For the last time, we are not figments of your imagination.” Came Kakuzu deep voice from the prison as he exited from his sleep. He made his way over to Itachi and started a conversation with him. 

“Fine then geniuses, what the hell is going on then?!” Hidan asked them angrily. 

“You are an anomaly Hidan, you were not brought back with the Edo Tensei.” Itachi announced and Hidan growled at the smug bastard. “ What is the last thing you remember?” Everyone looked at him expectantly. 

“Well shit...” he thought hard for a moment. “It was boring as fuck and I was starting to get hungry, like really hungry. I even tried eating some rocks that were near my head...”

Suddenly Kisame’s booming laughter drowned him out. “What’s so funny dick face!?” He hissed in response. 

Kisame had to calm down before he could speak. “You might have been immortal but you still had human needs!” He laughed again. 

“What?” Hiden asked confused. 

“You starved to death, idiot.” Kakuzu added looking quite amused himself. 

For a moment all that was heard was Kisame’s laughter then Hidan let out a hiss and raced to the door. 

“Fuck this fucking shit!! Bitch get back in here and feed me I’m not fucking starving again.” He wined as he began scratching at the door. Kisame laughed harder. 

Hidan was pissed to say the least. Jashin had abandoned him. How could his god let him die from hunger, what kind of bullshit was that. Was he even immortal in this tiny kitten body, he sure didn’t feel immortal. He doubted he could perform a ritual with paws. Although the claws were a nice touch, he had drew blood on near everyone that tried to pick him up. That was satisfying. 

“Quite!” Came Kakuzu’s voice from next to him. He was sniffing the air with a kitten ear to the door. “It seems the girl is awake.” Hidan strained to hear as well. 

The shuffle of feet seem to be not so far off. After a short time music joined in, something with lots of bass like Hidan had never hear before. Everything here was so odd, that wasn’t to say he didn’t like it. 

After a short time the shuffling feet made their way to the door and all the kittens waited anxiously. Itachi and Kisame made their way to wait by the door as well. Then she talked to them in between the door. 

“Ok so I heard somebody awake in there. I’m just gonna open the door and you guys can come out when your ready.” She told them sweetly. 

“I’m ready now, bitch!” Hidan replied impatiently as the door opened ever so slightly. True to his word he wormed is way out as soon as he could. “Finally.” He groaned as he walked past her. 

She giggled at him “Good morning to you too Luna.” Hidan scowled at her. “Can I pet you today?” She asked innocently, placing a hand in front of his face with he promptly tried to scratch but she was to quick for him and pulled back before he could hurt her. “Maybe later then.” She added with a hint of merriment. 

“Good fucking luck with that.” He told her before sauntering off to explore the new area. 

Of course everything seemed huge and it was hard to get ones bearings when you saw underneath a couch while fully standing. But it was clean under there so he couldn’t complain about that. The color palette was not to his tastes though. All pastel pinks, purples and off whites. Very feminine, too feminine. 

‘Could this get any worse.’ He thought dejectedly. 

“You guys hungry?” The woman asked walking away toward what Hidan assumed was the kitchen so he followed. They passed a long dining table to arrive in a well sized kitchen with a small island that looked out to the dining table then the open living room. All just one room really but it seemed spacious. 

“I apparently starved to death, so what do you think bitch.” Hidan growled at her not liking the cold tile floor on his sensitive paws. He shook one to alleviate the feeling, while she watched him with laughter in her eyes. 

“I’ll take that as a yes.” She said moving to enter a closet off the kitchen. She came out with a can then opened a cabinet and grabbed a plate. “I promise to get you proper food soon but it’s tuna for now, ok?” She asked him politely. 

“I’m not eating that cat food crap.” He replied trying to judge how far he would have to jump to get on the counter. Too far. 

“Well aren’t you the talker.” She smiled at him while getting his food ready.

“Whatever, hurry the fuck up.” He told her and she giggled again. Then she set down the full plate in front of him which he promptly dug into. “I’ve gotta do my morning routine, you enjoy Luna.” She told him making her leave. 

“That’s not my name!” He yelled in between bites. 

Eventually he was joined by Kakuzu, Itachi and Sasori. After eating more then his fair share he decided to see what had become of Kisame and Deidara. He found them enjoying quite the show. 

Morning routine must have meant workout because she was doing a split and stretching easily to touch her toes. Hidan took a moment to appreciate her outfit. Tight leggings and a large tank top over a sports bra that did little to shrink her ample chest. 

‘Damn, she’s flexible.’ He thought to himself greedily. “Looking good, bitch!” He called out to her and she turned to look at him with a smile. 

“Hello Luna.” Again Hidan scowled walking closer to her. He flicked his tail in her direction. 

“Bitch if I wasn’t a cat right now I would fuck or kill you... maybe both.” He threatened her, getting closer. 

“Leave her alone, hn.” Said Deidara bounding over to put himself in between them. Hidan swiped at him. 

“Hey now, no fighting.” The woman said picking Deidara up to the safety of her arms and petting him. He leaned into her and it pissed Hidan off. 

“Fuck You Deidara! Your a kiss ass.” Hidan hissed at him. To which Deidara scoffed. 

“Jealous.” The blonde sneared at him. And Hidan bristled. 

“I can get just as much action as you!” He challenged then proceed to go rub on the woman’s leg “Hey bitch, over here!”

She let out a surprised squeal and set Deidara down then reached for Hidan. Deidara seemed very disappointed in this turn of events. “That’s right, come to daddy.” Hidan smirked. 

“Awww are we friends now.” She said gently picking him up and rubbing his head. To Hidan ever loving surprise it was the best feeling he ever felt and he couldn’t stop the purring that came from deep in his chest even if he wanted to. 

“Now who’s a kiss ass, hn?” Deidara teased him. 

“Fuck you.” He retorted rubbings his face on her hands for some reason. After a few moments he realized his own sent was rubbing of on her and he rubbed harder. He was filled with the need to claim her as his and tell all the other males to go fuck off. She smelled irritatingly like Deidara.

“Well aren’t you affectionate all of a sudden.” She responded bringing him up to her face for a surprise kiss before setting him down and continuing with her workout. Hidan and Deidara began to pester her. 

“Stop interrupting her, I wanna see what she can do.” Kisame comment and Hidan had to agree so they sat off to the side as she continued. It seemed it was mostly just stretching. But it sure was entertaining to watch. 

‘If I had my body right now..’ Hidan thought desperately as she expertly bent down to touch her toes one last time, giving him a good sight of her rear. 

He watched her hunger again, but for a different reason this time, as she hummed and swayed to the music. She walked over to the table and picked up a mug taking a sip from it. 

“She’s not training for battle.” Came a comment from someone, Hidan didn’t care who, he only had eyes for, who was it? Mary? Ya that was it. 

Suddenly the singing told her to drop it and she quickly did a squat then snapped back up with a swish. 

“Fucking shit! Did you see that! I bet she’s hot as hell in the sack!” He exclaimed eager to test out his theories. 

Kakuzu grumbled at him angerly “Keep Your crude comments to yourself.” Hidan ignored him. 

Mary turned back to were a majority of the kittens had gathered “you guys enjoy yourself, I’m gonna go take a quick shower.” She told them happily. 

This new after life didn’t seem all that bad. He just needed to become human again. ‘Oh well Kakuzu and Itachi should be able to figure that out.’ He thought to himself. Then he bounded down the hall after his new form of entertainment, no chance was he missing round two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews and suggestion are greatly welcomed like should this be a true harem or does Mary have to pick one of the boys at the end?
> 
> I have a pinterest board with info for anyone interested, it has picture of what that cats look like  
> https://www.pinterest.com/poleryeno/naruto-cat-fiction/


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasori and Kismame POVs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I see Sasori having the hardest time with this seeing as he’s no longer a puppet. Kisame was so hard to write. 
> 
> Currently listening to “Dirrty in Havana” by oneboredjeu on YouTube

Again Kakuzu and Itachi were discussing where they were and how to become human again. The conversation was going in circles as far as Sasori was considered. The situation was more or less the same as the Edo Tensei, they were simply puppets to some new, unknown, mastermind now. 

There was only one up side to this revival in his opinion. He controlled his own body. The down side was, it was in fact, a body. With all the bodily needs that required. And the body of a cat on top of that. 

Of all the human things he ever had to give up he never thought thumbs would be the part he miss the most. 

After begrudgingly eating some food he set off to explore the new surroundings, ever curious. 

The style of the house was clean and modern, full of light colors to make the space seem larger. He jumped on every surface he was sure he could reach and one he was questionable with but surprisingly made it onto with little trouble. He didn’t have is ninja jumping ability but his hind legs were surprisingly springy. A huge television hung on the wall and he tried to turn it on by helplessly batting at the remote on the table to no avail. Again sadly he thought of his missing thumbs. 

After all that, next was down the small hallway. One of the doors was close to him so he made his way to the other that was open. 

This must have been the young woman’s bedroom. It was simple like the rest of the house with just a dresser, bookcase, side table and bed but they all were in a beautiful matching light wood. Exquisitely decorated, carved relieves filled the corners. They looked sturdy and well made and Sasori eyed them with satisfaction. 

‘She has good taste’ He thought to himself. 

The thought of woodworking made him nostalgic for his puppets. 

On farther inspection he could hear humming coming from a door set off in the corner so he made his way to it. 

Suddenly thumbs weren’t the part of his human anatomy that he missed the most. 

There was the woman, Mary, with scares but a towel around her wet bare body rubbing something on her face. Then she turned to face him and Sasori felt his blood run hot and cold at the same time, his breath caught in his throat. Feeling all these things were throwing him for a loop, it had been years since he felt anything. And it seemed his senses were heightened as a cat. 

“Not you too mars... are you little perverts gonna watch me the whole time?” She asked but it was with a light hearted laugh. 

“If only I could do more then watch you, you fucking tease.” Sasori heard come from next to him. He merrily swallowed hard, unsure if he should turn away or not. 

“Lotion time.” She giggled pulling a jar from the cabinet. Then before Sasori could think she dropped the towel. 

Now Sasori wasn’t unaccustomed to the female body but this one was far from what he was use to. While his puppets came in all shapes and sizes he never put much stock in marking them attractive. As long as they were functional for battle it was fine. 

If he had to think of the perfect female figure, it would be her’s. Hips set out from the toned stomach in a wide flare. Her breast were so large they sagged slightly. Arms and legs were toned to perfection. Everywhere was pure milky unblemished skin. He wanted to touch those limbs and display them for his own viewing. 

Both he and Hidan were quite now. She walked over to the wall and put her leg up on it for easy access then slowly rub the lotion up into the appendage. 

Hidan let out a “hot damn.” 

Sasori watched, in rapture as she lotioned her whole body as long forgotten sensation resurfaced in him. He wanted her more then just as a doll. The thought was a shock to him. 'Damn hormones.' he thought. 

He wasn’t ignorant to the touch of a woman but he had never before found himself yearning for it as he was now. He wanted to collect the water as it ran down her damp hair and onto her beautiful body. He shook his head as if it could get rid of such unwanted thoughts. 

All to soon she walked over to the door and grabbed a red robe, and finally rapped it around her body hidding it from prying eyes. He hated himself for being disappointed 

“Now that’s weird… Did you guys just watch me the whole time.” She asked with confusion. 

Sasori got the impression cats didn’t watch woman... do whatever it was she was doing, with such rapture. A more decent man would have not watch at all. But it wasn’t like he could tear his eyes way. He felt so much in this living body he wish he hadn’t.

She was making her way back to the bedroom and both he and Hidan followed her more like dogs then kittens. Now out of the heat of the bathroom Sasori felt the cool air against his flushed cheeks. 

Completely undeterred she threw off the robe and was naked again. Hidans commentary was not helping Sasori’s resolve. But she was quickly dressing in the clothes she had laid out on the bed. A simple oversized tee shirt and sweatpants. And he couldn’t tell if he was grateful or not that it was all over. 

“Today’s a day off kitties.” She told them throwing the shirt over her head. “I’m gonna catch up on some tv shows before I go to the store to get you some food k.” Then she left down the hall with Hidan hot on her heals and Sasori was left to shake his head again to rid it of unwelcome thoughts. 

Deciding he couldn’t stay in her room alone, not after that, he followed her and Hidan out after trying to calm himself. How odd he would have such human emotions when he was not human. He would have to chalk it up to not feeling anything for so long. 

“What were you three doing in there.” Asked Kisame with a lecherous grin as he walked by. Sasori tried to hide his embarrassment. 

“More then you fool.” He hissed out “I’ve learned she plans on leaving later to go food shopping for us.” Sasori scoffed making his way over to watch the tv which was now on. 

“One of us should try to go with her to learn more about where we are.” Itachi spoke up. 

“Obviously” Sasori muttered under his breath. 

“You wanna watch with me little guy?” Mary asked someone as they made their way up onto the couch with her, Sasori was more interested in the television and what he could gleam from it to pay too much attention. 

It seemed to be a children’s show but after some time a startling sight caught his eye. 

She was younger by far but there she was. The pink haired kunoichi that had killed him. 

“Mary! What is this!” Sasori exclaimed, staring shocked at the television, in his shock he forgot she couldn’t understand them. 

“How sweet, you remember the bitches name.” Hidan said rather angrily from his spot next to her on the couch. Deidara was on the other side flicking his tail in an agitated way. 

“Silence! This is important. I recognize the girl.” He yelled at them both. 

Itachi seemed to be in shock himself. “That young boy is Sasuke...” 

“What is the meaning of this.” Kakuzu added. 

Mary looked strangely at them all. “What’s wrong with you guys... now I know Naruto is kinda old now but I haven’t seen all the episodes yet so don’t hassle me.” She ended on a laugh, their turmoil oblivious to her.

“I don’t get it. What’s the big deal?” Hidan asked ever oblivious himself. 

Kakuzu looked all of his 91 years. “She is watching a television show about the nine-tails jinchūriki. For a means of entertainment it seems.” 

“Are... are you guys talking to each other...” Mary eyed them all with confusion and suspicion. “I’ve had weird but never such... social... maybe Siamese... they’re talkers...” She was obvious talking to herself at this point trying to make sense of what was currently going on. But it was quite obvious she was growing suspicious of their behavior. 

For their credited no one said a word after that. They all seemed content to watch the strange show about a boy they once tried to kill. 

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

This definitely wasn’t hell but it was definitely not heaven in Kisame’s opinion. It was definitely surreal though. 

They watched the brat’s tv show for an hour. No one saying a word. That god damned Kakashi showed up. It was all some light heartedness in the boys childhood but it still was jarring to watch. What did it mean? He was sure Itachi would have some ideas bout it. 

Kisame wonder if this was divine retribution. The story he heard from Itachi about the Edo Tensei seemed worse. He was glad there was nothing left of him to revive. He wasn't so sure this was any better. Though that did beg the question that this really was the afterlife and not jutsu. 

And what did that show mean. He decided to go see Itachi as the woman turned off the tv and went into the kitchen. 

“Better to eat at home then out. Gotta save money some how.” She mumbled to herself, Kakuzu gave her a appreciative nod. The thought of food perked Kismame up and distracted him. 

“Bitch I’m hungry, feed me now.” Hidan insisted while circling round her feet almost tripping her. 

“No Luna, kitties eat morning and night but if I gave you lunch you’d get fat.” She child him reaching down to give him a quick pet. As she busied herself Kismame decided it was a lost cause and to join Kakuzu and Itahchi’s conversation, again already in process, like he had planed. 

“If we are in the future it could be a historic documentary.” Itachi said. 

“But the lack of chakra anywhere puts doubt on that theory.” Kakuzu retorted. 

“We haven seen anyone with a clan trait...” Kismame added walking over. “Wonder what color my skin is...” he added in a curious mumble. 

“We have to assume these are our body’s now.” Itacha’s words were disheartening to all. “Seeing as there is no chakra here, doing any form of jutsu would be impossible.”

The three kittens looked at each other. 

“Cats have a lifespan of fifth-teen years.” Kakuzu said emotionlessly. 

“What about going out with the woman when she leaves. Look for a ninja, any ninja.” Kismame nearly growled. This was not funny anymore. 

He couldn’t tell if living as a cat in this non chakra’d hell hole was a good thing or not. Being alive was a good thing, right. He might have died on his own terms but he would rather had not died at all. But a world with out chakra was almost as bad as his current bodily predicament. 

Once again he was quickly becoming dissolution to this life. What there was of it. 

The growing conversation brought him back to reality. 

“You are the most observant... It’s decided Itachi shall be the one to go with the girl.” Kakuzu’s confirmation came. “Kisame go check on her and the others.”

Feeling lingering anger Kismame wasn’t in the mood to take orders. “Who made you leader.” He sneared at the older man. 

“You need to make a distraction while I hide in her purse.” Itachi told him calmly and it alleviated some of his anger. If anyone could figure a way out of this, whatever it was, it would be Itachi. 

He moseyed his way to the back room where he found the woman changing clothes as Hidan, Sasori, and Deidara watched. 

“Really?” He asked them. His meowing brought the woman’s attention to them. 

“Gosh you guys got attached quickly.” She said taking off her loose pants and grabbing a tighter pair. 

“Itachi is hiding in her purse to go with her now.” He told the others, they ignored him. 

Hidan jumped up on the bed to be closer to her. “Ya, whatever. Shut up I’m enjoying this.” She paused while shirtless to pet him, which he gladly excepted. Deidara huffed and jumped on the bed too. 

“You can’t have all the attention,hn!” Hissed Deidara as he began rubbing on her as well. Kisame didn’t see much point in fighting over her but at least they were doing his job of being distracting. He did find their posturing funny though, it was unlike she would pick one of them for whatever they were thinking. 

He had to admit she had a very nice body. Granted the only reference he had was what he had payed for. 

As she sat down to slip some shoes on he resolved he should do his part and went to circle round her feet. “You more comfortable now too Neptune?” She asked giving his ears a scratch. It felt amazing, much like eating chakra. Though it made him miss Samehada a bit.

“Well I gotta get going guys.” She told them as she stood up. Kisame leapt off ahead for her to check if Itachi had safely hidden away yet. A simple nod from Kakuzu confirmed it. 

“Ok I’ll be back soon so you kitties be good while I’m gone.” She told them before grabbing the medium sized bag off the side table and she left. Kisame hoped Itachi would be ok.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m watching Naruto from the beginning myself so I didn’t see this as to far a stretch I also see Kisame down playing violence.  
> Reviews and suggestion are greatly welcomed like should this be a true harem or does Mary have to pick one of the boys at the end?
> 
> I have a pinterest board with info for anyone interested, it has picture of what that cats look like  
> https://www.pinterest.com/poleryeno/naruto-cat-fiction/


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Itachi POV  
> Mary’s POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Itachi is a smart cookie. I’m reading his story now, the daylight book, so maybe his POVs will get better.
> 
> Currently listening to the album Stony by Post Malone (Feeling Whitney is my current fav)

Being the prodigy of the Uchiha Clan, Itachi was an amazing ninja. One of the best. But he wasn’t sure that helped him much now, in this situation. One where he was hiding inside of a woman’s purse. 

He was adept at staying quite but it was some what unnerving when you were just slightly bigger then a wallet. And that wasn’t the only thing he had to avoid. It was a variable treasure trove in there. 

After they left the house she only walked a short way before some noise and then setting him down again. Itachi assumed they had entered the large machine he had seen from the window earlier. It had wheels on it but seemingly no way to steer. He was astonished as it roared then they began to move again, music much like what the woman was listening to before accompanying it. 

Like a carriage that moved on its own. He didn’t sense any chakra at work, Kakuzu was right the Technology here was far advanced from their own. It moved for some time, Itachi could discern the passage of time by the songs that seemed to change beats every three minutes or so. 

Then music was turned off and the machine came to a stop. She was talking to someone now. Itachi closed his eyes and strained his ears to make out what was being said. He understood none of it. 

Panic set in when he felt the bag lurch. It was spacious enough to fit in but there was nowhere to hide. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea he lamented. 

Antagonizingly slowly the bag was tipped toward Mary and she peered inside. Itachi had enough sense to appear contrite as she gave him a shocked look. 

“What were you doing in there?” She asked him, carefully plucking him out. “Maybe I should get a smaller purse.” She added to herself quietly. Then she pulled out the wallet and pulled a card from it. Itachi eyed her tentatively from his new seat. 

She rolled the window down and the strong smell of coffee permeated. She interacted with someone, receiving a cup that she set down between them. He went to sniff it and got reprimanded with a simple no. He decided to not upset her and to behave himself so he sat back down. 

Now out of the purse he was able to see she steered the machine with a wheel. But he was to small too see much other then the sky out the windows. 

She stoped the machine and turned to look at him quizzical before she took a quick sip from the cup. 

“Well it’s too late to take you home, and you seem to be a well behaved little boy.” She told him. He took favor to being called well behaved but not a little boy. “Ok!” She clapped and gave him a happy smile. “We’re going shopping.” Itahchi wondered what he got himself into as they began moving once more. 

As time passed Itachi listened to the music trying to glean something from the lyrics. From what he heard they mostly seemed to be about romances. If they mention any locations he didn’t recognize them. Mary would sing along occasionally, and he had to admit she had a nice voice. 

After riding around some more she again stopped the machine and looked at him. “We’re here.” She announced happily then gave him a quick pet before getting out. 

He fretted for a moment before she arrived at his door and opened it collecting both him and her purse in her arms. 

Itachi’s keen eyes took everything in. 

There were machines everywhere all placed in neat rows and more moved slowly among them. They seemed to be people’s primary mode of transportation. Everyone seemed to have the same strange clothes, he saw nothing familiar. 

And not a ninja in sight. 

They really were in a different place or time. He doubted anyone he knew while alive, of course beside the other Akatsuki, were here. 

What had become of Sasuke. 

Itahchi’s inner turmoil had to be put on hold however as he had a mission. To find anything out about this place. The thought that maybe he could find a way back home took hold on a tiny place in his mind. 

‘No’ He thought sadly to himself. He couldn’t go back, he never thought about going back, he could never change the past. He accepted that a long time ago. 

“This will be fun Saturn, usually I’m all alone when I go shopping. I’m glad your here.” She told him while giving a scratch to his head. Itachi took comfort in that fact someone was enjoying themselves. Her smile reached her eyes and was quite infectious. 

He tried to forget his worries for now. 

They entered a huge building and to Itahchi’s amazement it was a single shop dedicated solely to animal needs. He wonder if his small body was skewing his perception because this place was huge. 

Itahchi was placed in a wheeled cart and again petted. He didn’t know if he liked that or not yet. While it felt good physically he was concerned it made him more vulnerable. He wasn’t used to human contact either. 

She deftly made her way through aisles until she stopped and put a few large packages in the cart. 

“We need litter, food, maybe some toys.” She told him happily seeming undeterred by the fact he could not interact with her. Her innocents and happiness was refreshing. After spending so many years with insane criminals a normal person was a nice change of pace. 

Suddenly Itachi could senses they were being followed. He wondered if it was cat senses or his ninja one that alerted him. 

An older woman was eyeing them quizzically before she approaching. “Do you have something there dear?” She asked politely craning her head to get a look at Itachi. She didn’t seem like much of a threat. 

“Oh!” Mary turned to face her. “Yes, this is Saturn on of my foster kitten.” She turned back to him and gave him a quick scratch. 

“Oh how cute. Can I pet him?” Asked the old woman giving him that look. 

“I’m not quite sure... he seems good with me. How about you let him give you a sniff and decide.” She was giving him a look that said please don’t hurt this old woman. 

It smelled of moth balls but he let the old woman pet him to be polite. She wasn’t as good as Mary though, too rough. 

“Are you looking for a cat because him and his... um brothers... are up for adoption, I’m just fostering them until a home can be found.” That was news to Itachi. So Mary didn’t intend on keeping them. 

That was bad. It wouldn’t do well to be separated now. They would have to think of a plan to get her to keep them all. To endear themselves to her in some way. He would have to come up with a plan. 

The old woman was making her way away from them now and Mary smiled down at him. “That was sweet of you, thanks Saturn.” She bent down and gave a quick kiss to the top of his head. 

He definitely was not use to this much human contact. 

They walked around a bit more with her trying to get him to play, unsuccessfully, with some cat toys. Finally she seemed to be done and headed to wait in a short line. 

Again people tried to pet him. He came to the decision he didn’t like it if anyone but Mary did it. He reasoned it was because she had more experience with cats. She must know what she’s doing. 

He marveled at the convenience as again she seemed to pay with the plastic card. The idea of credit was not foreign to him but to use the same type in different places spoke of a extensively intermingling of businesses. He doubted both shop fronts were owned by the same family. This must be a truly huge village. 

The weathers out side was warm. There weren’t many trees and they seemed to be planted purposefully between every few sitting machines. The leaves where bright green. Itahchi reasoned it was around summer. 

Once more Itachi found himself thinking of his little bother. If the weather was nice where he was. Was he even alive?

“Ready to go home Saturn?” Mary asked as she loaded the packages in the back of the machine then placed him in the front seat. “I’m sure you didn’t have any fun but I enjoyed your company.”

Itachi found he enjoyed her company as well. She always seemed to be smiling and would hum occasionally. Not to mention that fact she seemed to distract him from his more depressing thought. She was like a soothing balm. He was regretting having to go back to the rest of the Akatsuki. 

After she got into her seat Itachi payed close attention to how she worked the machine. To his disappointment she didn’t use hand signs but a simple key.

An odd ringing sound suddenly sounded out from Mary’s pocket and Itachi watched as she pulled out a flat device a little bigger then her hand and touched it before speaking into it like she was talking to someone. He wondered if it was some sort of twoway radio. Itahchi strained his ears to hear the voice on the other end. 

“Come on cutie! We don’t get as hot guys to hit on us if you don’t come.” The voice from phone wined at her. Mary looked over at Itahchi, he was stoic as ever. 

“Fine but only for an hour and I’m not paying for my drinks.” She said with a sigh into the phone. 

A loud squeal was heard on the other end. “Sweet! I’ll be there early to help you get dressed!”

She huffed at the device “I can dress my self.”

“Normal people don’t wear leggings everywhere.” The voice deadpanned at her. 

“Whatever. Anyway I got some new foster kittens so look forward to that.”

“Oh no not again... are they all sick and shit like last time.” Itahchi decided he didn’t like the person Mary was talking to. 

“No they are all very good looking.” She sent a wink his way, he wasn’t entirely sure what to do with it. “They're all different breeds but look to be purebred. The long haired one might even let you pet him, he’s a sweetheart.”

“Eww you mean touch one of those things?! No thank you.” Definitely didn’t like. 

And Itachi was sure he didn’t like Mary referring to Deidara as a sweetheart. That didn’t seem right. 

The conversation ended with a “K see you then.” Then she pressed the device and put it away. She gave him an apologetic look. 

“Sorry Saturn, but I promised Brittany I would go out with her next time.” She didn’t seem to enthusiastic about her plans. He guessed she was only going to appease her friend. 

“I really should just tell her no, but it’s not good to have no friends and she’s the only one from high school that still talks to me so I guess I shouldn’t push her away right?” Mary babbled on as she began steering. Itahchi was starting to become uncomfortable with the situation. 

“I mean it’s not like I’m all alone I’ve got you guys...” She seemed to realized the implication of her words and slam her head on the wheel. “I’m so that crazy cat lady...”

A loud honking sound brought her back from her pouting. “Sorry sorry, just having a life crisis here.” She apologized to the sound. 

She gave a longing look over at him. The intensity of it again made him uncomfortable. 

“If only you guys were human am I right.” She joked. 

Itachi found it hilarious. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When they got home Mary was trying desperately to hype herself for a night out when all she wanted to do was cuddle down with some kitties and watch some good anime. 

First she placed Saturn inside then proceed to unload the car. When she made it back in with everything and made sure Luna and Venus were in the house having followed her, she looked for the other kitties. 

Again they were gathered together meowing at one another. Like they were having some kinda Secret kittens meeting. She had cats that meowed a lot before but never like this. 

Kittens meowed more then adults but they usually meowed at her or over each other. These one seemed to wait until one was done before the other began. 

It had stopped being cute a while ago. Now it was just weird. 

She would have to ask Brittany what she thought about when she can over. Then Mary rethought that. If she asked Brittany something so strange what would she think of her. Oh well what else was she to do. 

She smiled down at her most affectionate boys as they circled around her feet. “How are my lover boys.” She cooed to them as she pet both as they leaned into it. 

First on the agenda was a proper shower. That meant shaving near everywhere and that would take time, maybe she should do a face mask too. 

Again she was watched intensely by the cats as she got ready. The looks Luna gave her were particularly uncomfortable. 

She was just getting dress when Brittany texted she was here and Mary texted her back to watch the cats as she let herself in. 

“It’s Brittany bitch!!” Her best friend called out as she entered the house. 

Mary laughed at her antics. “I’m back here getting dress.” She called out. 

Brittany could be heard rushing toward her bedroom “No your not! I get to pick your outfit!!” She burst in a whirl of bleach, knock off clothes and perfume. Completely undeterred by the fact Mary was only in a bra and panties. 

“Brittany!” She squealed trying to cover herself. 

“Mary.” Brittany wined back. “Please like I haven’t seen that body at the beach.” She began heading toward the closet. The kittens that were present gave her a wide birth and she didn’t try to interact with them at all. 

“Your wearing the black one.” She called out happily. 

That didn’t sound to bad to Mary her black bodycon dress was her favorite. 

“I brought the matching black shoes.”

Mary groaned. 

“Noooooo.” She cried as Brittany made her way back to the room. Out of a paper shopping bag she had with her she pulled out the shoes. Black, strapy, things with a six inch heel. “I can’t walk let alone dance in those things.”

Brittany gave her a unamused look. “I buy the drinks, I pick the clothes. Besides we party so hard we go barefoot by the end of the night!” 

“No britt, I said one hour.” Mary clarified for her. Brittany pouted at this. 

“You are so not fun.”

“I have kittens to take care off.” Mary said bending down to the bed to give Venus a kiss were he sat. Luna meowed at her and she could have sworn he seemed mad. 

“Cats don’t need to be taken care of, even I know that.” Brittany flipped her strained bleach blonde sassily. 

“I don’t wanna be out all night Britt.” Mary was shimmying into the dress as she spoke. She loved Britt she really did but sometimes she could be a little, much. 

“Sweetheart do you know me.” Brittany circled around Mary like a Predator “makeup time! Don’t worry I brought my own.” 

Mary sighed looking at the professional looking makeup kit Brittany pulled from who knows where. She was not getting out of this. 

She looked over at her kittens. Venus, Luna and Neptune were in the room watching her. They didn’t seem to give Brittany much mind. She imagined the other three were having one of their “Secret” meetings. 

“Hey Britt...” Mary started. 

“Don’t move.” Brittany scolded her. She was applying eyeshadow to Mary in smoky tones. 

“The kittens don’t seem... weird do they.” Mary tried to stay completely still. 

“The only weird thing is a hott young thing like you is more interested in having a pussy collection then just one good man.” Brittany replied smoothly while working. 

“Britt!” Mary nearly jumped in her seat. 

“Oh come on, girl! How long has it been since you got laid, high school?” Brittany gave her a smirk. 

At this rate mary wouldn’t need blush. She was 50 shades of red all by herself. Brittany laughed at her but it was good natured. 

“At least tell me you’ll dance with one of the men that ask you to dance.”

Mary’s face was calming down now as Brittany applied a matte red lipstick. A meow caught her attention and as soon as her friend was finished with her Mary turned to face Luna. 

“You wouldn’t force me to find some strange man for my bed would you.” She cooed as she pet him. Her purred and leaned into her touch. 

“I heard that.” Brittany replied putting her things away. “Well stand up, turn around, let’s get a look at you.”

Mary did as she was told. The kittens meowed and Brittany laughed. 

“Well at least they know a masterpiece when they see it. It’s like I’m Leo dad vince and Your my Moaning Lisa.” She said airily. 

“Ok there are so many things wrong with that statement.” Mary laughed. A car horn interrupted their conversation. 

“That should be Marshal he’s driving us, he’s early.” Said Brittany as she made her way to the front door, completely at home. 

“What? How did you get here then.” Asked Mary following her only slightly stumbling. 

Brittany turned and smiled at her “The bus, I know I know, but I am sooo not being the D and D when I got you out. Come on since he’s early lets go pregame!” 

Mary gave her a look. “We’re getting smashed tonight aren’t we.” 

Brittany let out a full bellied laugh at that. “In more ways then one of we’re lucky!”

Again Mary sighed at her friends behavior. Then she turned back to the collage of kittens behind her. 

“You boys be good while I’m gone.” Neptune meowed some kind of response. Mars, Saturn, and Jupiter watched her impassively. And it looked like Luna and Venus were about to fight or follow her, she could be sure which. She blew them a kiss be for shutting the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drunk and dream scenes next time.  
> Reviews and suggestion are greatly welcomed like should this be a true harem or does Mary have to pick one of the boys at the end?
> 
> I have a pinterest board with info for anyone interested, it has picture of what that cats look like  
> https://www.pinterest.com/poleryeno/naruto-cat-fiction/


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hidan POV  
> Kisame POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got drunk to try to help me write this, I came up with one line, it was gold.  
> Slight plot ahead
> 
> Currently listening to “The Lost Boy” by LostBoyCrow

Hidan was very upset when his bitch left for the evening. He was upset she was all dressed up for someone else. He was upset Deidara kept invading on their personal time. He was upset he was stuck in a house with five other men/cats. But most of all he was upset that something he desperately wanted was just out of his reach. 

Hidan was beyond frustrated. 

But he wasn’t an idiot. Jashin knew he wasn’t the smartest in the room and that’s why he stayed out of the conversation to help them. He wouldn’t have anything worth while to add to it anyway. 

But he was getting desperate here. 

I mean did they see what she was wearing before she left. And it had been hours. Where was she and what could she be doing. 

‘More like who.’ He thought angrily with a pang of jealousy. 

After watching a rather heated discussion by the others he grew bored and moseyed his way to his bitches bedroom curled up on the bed and went to sleep. It’s not like he had anything better to do and maybe he got his sent all over her bed, that was a plus. 

Imagine his surprise when hours later he was jolted awake by someone flopping down on the bed sending him flying. 

“What the fuck!” He yelled in surprise as he jumped three feet in the air, a long fall when he was so small but he was able to twist mid air to land on his feet. 

“Oh my god noooo.” Wined a voice. Hidan griped the blanket with his claws desperately, he was wide wake now. 

He was going to kill who ever had tried to kill him he decided, then slow uncoordinated hands picked him up. 

“Hummm, kitty kitty, so soft.” She proceeded to rub his belly on her face. So he scratched her head. 

“Owie, no bad boy, let me love you.” She wined. She was obviously drunk. An Alcoholic smell permanent from her white, toothy smile. 

He huffed at her “Fuck you bitch I was sleeping and you can’t just come begging for my forgiveness, where were you all night dress like that!?” 

In her current position the top of her dress rolled down and the bottom rolled up pleasingly, distracting Hidans anger. And from his position, hanging over her in her hands, he could see everything. Including the smallest glimpse of a simple black bra. 

‘Kinky.’ He thought. 

“All though I can think of better ways you can beg.” He teased reaching for her and being disappointed when a small kitten paw came into his view. 

‘Oh that’s right.’ He thought dejectedly. He looked at the woman on the bed longingly. ‘If only.’

She giggled then squirmed mercilessly on top of the sheets, frustrating him more. “Argh! I’ve gotta get this crap off my face before I can sleep.” She pulled herself from the bed then set him on top of it and moved slowly, unsteady, to the bathroom. 

Hidan stretched while she was gone and lamented on his situation. 

Here was one of the hottest woman he had ever seen and he could do nothing about it. He couldn’t even talk to her. He scoffed at himself for the thought, if he could do anything to her it probably wouldn’t be talking. After all he had decided this morning he wanted to fuck her. 

This was so unfair. He had already seen her naked for Jashin sakes. It was torture. 

He had to become human again and if the others weren’t going to do anything about this then that would mean it’s up to him. Not that he had the first idea on how to go about it. 

She returned wearing only her panties, Black to match her bra. Her hair swept up in her usual braid and face clean yet still flushed. 

“Fucking hell.” He nearly wined. 

She went over to the dresser and pulled an over sized tee shirt from it. Hidan wonder greedily how much her breast weighted as they hung low and bounced with her dance like movements. They were huge. 

After getting dressed she again flopped down on the bed but careful of its other occupant this time. “Where you at kitty cat?” She giggled at herself then let out a sigh and turned to Hidan. “How was your night Luna?” She waited for his response with a giddy smile. 

“I’m still a cat, so shit.” He told her truthfully. 

She giggled at him. 

“My night was awful.” She drew out the word awful with pursed lips. “Well not wholly awful. But why are men such pigs!” She asked him while petting him a little vigorously. Her words caught his attention and jealousy. Just what had these “pigs” done to her. 

“It’s like, hello, I don’t need your help to dance. And what your doing is totally not dancing.” She laughed out. “Can you believe one asked me to come home to get this and I quote, to dance all over his dick. Like ewww!!” She giggled again “What does that even mean. You want me to do all the work, no thanks, don’t want no scrub.”

The image of her telling other men off filled him with mixed emotions. On the one hand he was delighted with the fact she could and would defend herself and he wondered how she would do it. On the other, if he had been with her no one would dare approach and if they did he would kill them. He wanted to kill them. His tail twitched angrily. Jashin did he want to kill. 

Suddenly she lifted him up and laid on her back placing him on her chest so she could still look at him. He wasn’t complaining about the new position. 

“I mean isn’t there at least one decent guy out there?” She asked petting him again. 

“Man of your fucking dream, right here.” He told her indignantly leaning into her hand. He might have mentioned that fact that he wasn’t so decent but it’s not like she understood him anyway. 

She squealed at him. “Awwww your soooo cute.” Hidan huffed at her choice of words cute was one word he would never use to describe himself. Deadly, sexy, perhaps a little psychotic, but never cute. 

“And Britt makes it sound like I’m some kinda sex hermit or something!” She huffed at him, her face turning even more red. He became much more interested in the conversation. 

Hidan gave her a lecherous grin. “I could help with that...if I wasn’t a fucking cat!” He realized halfway though his sentence there was nothing he could do. Jashin help him, he was going crazy he’s forgotten he was not himself twice now. 

Never had Hidan felt this frustrated in his life before. Not even when he had wanted to and been ordered not to kill. It was physically painful. 

Here was a half naked woman, under him, practically begging him to fuck her and he could do nothing. NOTHING!

Hidan groaned and rolled his eyes but not for the reasons he wanted to. 

He looked her over once more. Her long pale lashes were hooded over her brown, green eyes. The flush of alcohol was prominent on her pale skin. Her dark, perfectly pouty, lips were smiling as always. 

And she was begging for it. 

He turned to the left and started pawing at her breast, enjoying himself immensely. It was all he could do at the moment. But he imagined what he would do if he had his body back. 

First he would rip that stupid fucking shirt from her fucking body then...

She swatted at him “Oye! Knock it off you little pervert.” 

He grumped but obliged her anyway. It not like this was going anywhere. He couldn’t even get hard, not that it would have helped. 

This couldn’t last forever. He told himself over and over again, like a mantra. 

She let out a soft yawn. “Come on let’s sleep together.” Then she giggled at her words. “Just don’t tell the others, wouldn’t want them to get jealous.”

Again he groaned. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One of the reasons he knew he was dreaming was because he was human again. Or at least as human as he was what with blue skin and what not. Another reason was because he was floating. 

“S-shark daddy...” a slightly familial voice rang out behind him. He turned to see the woman that had been caring for kitten him, Mary, staring at him. She was just as short as he thought she would be only coming up to barely his chest. 

‘What did she just say.’ He thought to himself confused. This was one weird dream. His dreams, when he had them were usually filled with the color red and the others in them only screamed. 

“Wow I’ve never dreamed of an anime character before. Is this like a lucid dream? Oh my god this is so cool! Hello my names is Mary it’s soooo cool to meet you Kisame.” She eyed him every which way then proceed to just bounce in the air. Her eyes were wide and dancing. She looked exited, happy even. 

“You know me. And your not scared?” If she watched a show about the jinchūriki it was more then likely she had seen him before. Though he doubted those appearances would have shown him in the best light. 

But here she was staring at him with... Well she was staring at him pretty intently that was for sure. He couldn’t think of the last time someone looked at him without fear or disgust. Besides Itachi. 

Well he doubted he would want to dream of her like that. Still this was pretty odd for a dream. And he could think of a few better scenarios for this rendezvous. Odd his mind had thought of this. 

There was nothing around them just white empty space. Not like being covered in his hidden mist, just a nothingness. He felt almost weightless and instead of walking they seemed to glide. He was aware that he was not awake and it seemed so did his “dream girl.” That was extremely odd. 

He closed his eyes and concentrated on his surroundings as hard as he could, ignoring the question Mary was incessantly asking him and felt for something, anything. 

And there it was. 

A faint chakra signature. One much like a genjutsu. He had almost missed it. 

This was no ordinary dream. It probably wasn’t even a dream at all and that meant...

Kisame grabbed Mary by the shoulders. 

“Oh!” She blushes at him. 

He didn’t have time for that. “Mary listen. This isn’t a dream. I’m real! We’re all real, we’re the cats! I’m your cat!” He barely resisted the urge to shake her. 

She blinked her doe eyes at him in confusion. “Wait what...” Then she looked at her shoulders where he held her. “Your-Your hurting me...” suddenly she looked horrified. 

He pulled his hands off her like they burned. He hadn’t mean to hurt her. “I’m sorry.” Kisame ran a hand through his hair to try to calm himself down. He needed to get her to understand, to help. And getting people to trust him was so far out of his range he didn’t even know if it was possible. 

“I...I don’t think like this anymore... I want to wake up.” He glanced to her to find she was holding on to one of her shoulders softly and on the verge of tears. Was he really that rough? He guessed he didn’t remember his strength what with being dead and then a tiny harmless kitten and all. But she couldn’t leave yet. 

“No! Please it’s me... goddamn, what did you call me...Neptune ya, it’s me Neptune!” He was proud of himself with remember that odd name she had given him. He gave her a hopeful grin before thinking of his sharp teeth and setting for a simple, what he hoped was friendly, smile. 

Her brows furrowed at him. “Wha...how do you...” her hand moved from her shoulders and she rapped both arms around herself protectively. This was not going well. “What’s going on?” She accused. 

She was interacting with him, that was good. His smile widened and he almost grabbed hold of her again. “This is a genjutsu. You know what that is right?” He asked her to see if she was responding to him. She nodded mutely. “Ok, good girl.” She blushed at him, it didn’t go unnoticed. 

“You know those cats you just got.” Again she nodded “they aren’t cats. It’s the Akatsuki. One of them is me, you have to help us.” Again she nodded. That wasn’t a good sign. “Mary?” Again she nodded. Definitely not good. 

Slowly she reached a dainty hand to his face. “M-Mary?” He questioned. As she touched his cheek her eyes widened. Her blush increased and Kisame could feel one of his own forming. What was wrong with this woman. What was she doing?

“I can feel... I felt that and didn’t wake up... I can really feel you...” She laid her hand flat against his cheek and it felt like fire. “Is... is this like real... like really real.”

He sighed, in both frustration and from her touch. “Yes now listen to me. I’m the cat Neptune. The others are human too.” She blinked at him a few time, her eyelashes fluttering. 

“This is some good shit.” She said simply. 

He gave her an incredulous look “what?”

“Best dream ever. Ten out of ten. I would totally dream again.” She told him with a straight face. 

“No!” He was getting agitated with her. “This is NOT a dream. I am real.” He had to remain calm. 

“I had way to much to drink...” she said softly. Then her thumb stroked his cheek in the most intimate of ways. 

‘What is she doing!?’ He thought utterly confused. No one had ever touched him like this. A soft yet burning caress that left him wanting more. But he couldn’t indulge in such sensations now. 

Reluctantly he batted her hand way from his face. “S-stop that.” He growled at her trying his best to keep embarrassment from his voice and failing. She giggled at him, embarrassing him more. 

“Does kitty not like to be petted.” She asked in a teasing tone. 

This time he bared his teeth when he growled at her. “This isn’t a fucking joke.” Great now he sounded like Hidan. “Where are all the ninja? How do I become human again!” 

She shrunk back from him, obviously scared. “You... you aren’t real... you can’t hurt me.” She said more to herself then him. 

“I assure you I am very much real and seems I can hurt you just fine. ” He told her simply. He was fed up with her attitude, and what it was doing to him. That had been a mistake. 

She backed away from him. “I-I think I want to wake up now.” She said unsteady. Her eyebrows crinkled in pain or fear, probably both. 

‘Not yet.’ He thought desperately that he messed up, but it was to late to do anything now. The dream faded. And as the dream world dissolved a ring of unknown laughter echoed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews and suggestion are greatly welcomed like should this be a true harem or does Mary have to pick one of the boys at the end?
> 
> I have a pinterest board with info for anyone interested, it has picture of what that cats look like  
> https://www.pinterest.com/poleryeno/naruto-cat-fiction/


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakazu POV  
> Deidara POV  
> Sasori POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun facts: even though Sasori is 35 years old he turned himself into a puppet as a teenager. Therefore his body is that of a teenager.  
> Rated M for mature, almost.

It was no great secret that Kakuzu hated his partner. In fact he hated most all people. But this morning Hidan seemed to grate on his last nerve. 

“Me and Mary slept together last night.” He said full of smugness for what seemed like the millionth time. 

“Ya, ya, and she was practically naked, hn? You’ve told us. Good for you. Nothing happened your a fucking cat. So shut the fuck up already, hnn!” Any second now this fight was going to get physical if the looks Deidara was giving Hidan had anything to say about it. Kakuzu couldn’t care less. 

Out of the corner of his eye Kakuzu could see Kisame groggily making his way over to him, with Itachi following. ‘What does that idiot want now’ he thought annoyed to be “talked at” this early in the morning. Before he even ate. 

“I have something very important to tell you both” said Kismame as he sat down. “I had a dream about Mary last night.”

“Really” Kakuzu said with annoyance, rolling his eyes. He was just as bad as Hidan. 

“Not like that!” Kismame defended himself. But if he could Kakuzu thought the other man would be blushing. “It was like a genjutsu, I felt chakra, and I didn’t dream her up, she was actually there and I was human.” He said with hopefully look. 

Itahchi’s sharp eye focus on his partner as did Kakuzu. They waited for him to elaborate. 

“Well, what was said, what happened?” He had to asked, exasperated. Now he was willing to bet Kismame was embarrassed. He turned his head away from them and coughed. 

“I-uh told her we were humans and asked for her help but she didn’t seem to believe I was real.” Kismame responded still looking away. 

‘How annoying.’ Kakuzu thought to himself. 

“But your sure you felt a chakra signature?” Asked Itachi. 

“Yes. It was faint but it was there I’m sure of it.”

Kakuzu took a moment to process this new information. Just yesterday him and Itachi had come to the conclusion that this was a whole different world. A place without shinobi seeing as Itachi had not encountered anything pointing to them in such a large village. But with the introduction of chakra existing here it may be possible they were simple flung into a far flung future. It would explain the show the girl had watched. It might have been a historical reenactment. Though, if so the actors had been spot on, down to the voices. Then it hit him if she knew of the jinchūriki she might know of the Akatsuki. 

“How did she react to your appearance.” He asked Kismame simply. The reaction he got was not one he expected. The other mans eyes widened and he looked at his paws mumbling something under his breath. 

“Kismame?” Itachi questioned him and Kisame shook his head then looked up. Obviously uncomfortable. 

“She, uh, she didn’t seem scared... at first. I was able to touch her. I think I hurt her.” He looked hurt himself at this fact. That proved it. 

“You made physical contact with her, How?” Kakuzu was stunned. He didn’t know how it was possible but this was genjutsu not just a dream. But why would it have happened between Kismame and the girl, would not Itachi make more sense. He was growing tired of idiots lack of response, he was looking embarrassed again. 

Kakuzu seethed at him. “I don’t have time or patience for your childish flirtation. Answer my questions.”

Kisame stared at him blankly for a moment before hissing. “You zombie freak! You want to see if you revive when I kill you!” He was about to lunge at him when from the back room the girl shuffled out. By the looks of it she only had a large tee shirt on. Her braid was a mess. 

“It’s about time.” Sasori called out walking over to her. She gave him a sleepy smile and bent down to pet him. Giving Kakazu a glimpse of her small black panties. Not that he was looking or anything. 

Then the girl intently stared at their small group, mostly Kisame took her attention though. “What a weird dream.” She mumbled before shaking her head and continuing her way to the kitchen. 

“She remembers.” Whispered Kismame slightly in awe. Then he bound after her. Kakuzu sighed, he was too old for this. 

When he entered the kitchen he found Deidara and Hidan rubbing on the girl’s ankles while Sasori and Kisame watched her with equal measures of pleasure and fascination. He looked over at Itachi to find him eyeing her as well. 

He was way to old for this.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He wasn’t an idiot. Deidara had died a teenager, he wasn’t blind to his hormones. 

And god were his hormones giving him problems. And it wasn’t like he was in control or anything, it was all just teenage hormones. Ya that was it. 

He tried not to droll as he watched Mary lifted a leg far above her head while standing. She had changed and was wearing clothes that left nothing to the imagination, fully clothed, but so skin tight he could see every curve. 

Again she stretched and again Deidara dumbfound how anyone could be so limber. He was dying to see her in a different position. He fantasized about it. 

He was in a particularly good one when the sound of someone sitting next to him interrupted his thoughts. He turned to them to give them an agitated look. And ran head first into Hidans snearing grin. 

“What cha thinking of Deidara-Chan?” He asked in a mocking voice. 

“S-shut up.” He stuttered as he remember what he was thinking about. 

Hidan sneared at him. “Like Your virgin ass could think of anything good.”

Deidara stood and hissed at him. “Shut the fuck up, HN!” What was his problem anyway. 

“Not again.” Mary paused in her workout to stand over them. “I don’t get why you two don’t get along.” She bent down to give them both a pet but then stopped mid way and gave them a suspicious look. “Weird dream.” She mumbled before leaning the rest of the way and petting them both, for which they stopped fighting to lean into. “I mean your both such sweethearts...” 

Deidara wished desperately that she would just ignore Hidan and focus all her energy’s on him. 

“You better stay away from my bitch.” Hidan warned him. Deidara bristled at that. 

“She doesn’t belong to you!” He hissed back at him. 

Hidan growled at him. “If you even THINK about her I will kill you.”

Deidara laughed at him. “And how would you do that, claw me to death, hn?” Hidan looked like that was exactly what he had planed. Both had their hair raised. 

“You two are fools! What do you think is going to happen? That she will pick one of you? For what? We are all CATS!!” Never had Deidara heard Sasori raise his voice. 

But he had made a valid point. 

It was an impossible relationship. At least at this point. But he couldn’t stay a cat forever. 

Or could he?

They had no idea why any of them were here, let alone where here was. It all seemed so strange and random. But as he thought back to his life he realized there was no place he wished to go back to. 

If he could just be human again he was sure he would just stay here. With Mary. 

He shook his head. Where had that come from. Then looked over at her again. She was laughing in tinkling tones as Hidan balanced, walking, up her leg. Her voice sounded like bells. 

He frowned at himself. God he needed to get his hormones under control. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sasori was sure death was better then this. Anything was better then this. 

He watched as his young partner struggled with his emotions. They were quite clear on his cat like face. 

‘Good god, that’s not how I look, is it?’ He thought to himself pitifully. But it must be something close to it because only one thing entertained his attention now. 

Mary. 

The thought made him sick. 

His thoughts were consumed by the insufferable woman. She was everywhere. 

He thought of where she was and what she was out doing when he went to sleep. He thought of her when he first awoke. He thought of her health when again she only had a cup of something for breakfast instead of food. He thought the most lewd things when she started “working out”. 

And he couldn’t help it. 

He wanted to try to think of a way out of this situation but then his thought were consumed with what he would be able to do with her if he was human again. 

It was a strange thought. Never in his thirty-five years had he ever wanted to be more human. He had gave up on being human when he was a teenager and never looked back. 

But now he found himself wondering if they could reverse this, whatever it was, what would he be. And the thought of returning to his puppet form left a sour taste in his mouth. 

He wouldn’t be able to feel her like that. 

Sasori groaned. Again his thoughts returned to her. How frustrating. Still he didn’t want to stop thinking about her. And that made him even more sick. 

What was it about this woman that she held his fascinations captive. 

He had long ago admitted he found her body attractive. He guessed his fate was sealed when he had seen her naked. The memory of it invaded his mind now. 

How she was nothing but large soft curves. How her perfectly pout lips matched her perfectly pert nipples in color. How he could take those overflowing mounds in his hands and...

No. He had to stop this. He didn’t have hands. He had paws. Even if he wanted to he couldn’t act on his feelings. 

Sasori let out a pitiful sigh and turned his attention to the woman that haunted his thoughts. Much to his anger Hidan was rubbing all over her, again. 

“Just leave her alone, your not getting anywhere.” He sneared at him, If only to try to piss him off. Sasori was pissed himself and he felt like taking it out on his aggressor. 

“Fuck off! What’s it to you anyway doll boy!” The insufferable fool didn’t stop his efforts to “sent” Mary. 

“I told you to leave her alone!” He hissed at the younger man. 

“You tell him Sasori no Danna, hn!” Deidara perked up. 

“Shut up.” Sasori told him. 

“Shut the fuck up.” Hidan agreed. 

“What is wrong with you guys.” Mary questioned completely distracted by their odd behavior. Sasori couldn’t help it. 

He was going to beat some sense into that foul mouthed imbecile. With a low growl he lunged for Hidan with claws extended. 

“Bring it on fucker!” He laughed as he got his claw ready for a fight too. 

The cats met in a flurry of claws and fur. 

Sasori swiped at Hidans face to which he tried to bite Sasori paw with a loud chop. Then counted with a swipe of his own taking out some of Sasori fur on his neck. Sasori returned it with hissed at him and took a bite out of his ear. But with his face so close Hidan had better leverage and gave a kick to Sasori’s gut causing him to let go. Both hissed before going at it again. 

“Oh my god! No! Stop!” Mary’s frantic voice sounded from the sidelines and he was almost apt to listen to her but he knew Hidan would not stop the fight now. So he swiped again and was horrified when a perfect pale hand came into view to push him away. Slowly a welt of red liquid made its way to the surface. 

“Ow...” She wined slightly. 

“Mary. I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He told her neither remembering or caring she didn’t understand him. 

“She can’t understand you, remember.” Hidan reminded him from the other side of her bloody hands. He sounded contrite. “Come here you big idiot.” Hidan told her as he made his way to her injurys. 

Then all hell broke loose. 

Because in a poof of smoke not a kitten but a very naked Hidan lay on the floor, blood fresh still on his tongue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did it.
> 
>  
> 
> Reviews and suggestion are greatly welcomed.
> 
> I have a pinterest board with info for anyone interested, it has picture of what that cats look like  
> https://www.pinterest.com/poleryeno/naruto-cat-fiction/  
> follow my tumblr for updates and stuff  
> https://poleryeno.tumblr.com/


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hidan POV  
> Mary POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have all the Akatsuki members names written on scraps of paper and do a blind pull to see who gets a POV and other stuff. I pulled Hidan three times in a row. So this is his chapter.  
> Hold on to your butts baby’s cause we’re goin in!

Hidan blinked a few times. Something was different. 

He looked over at Sasori, who seemed so much smaller now and Hidan was looking slightly down at Mary not up. She was looking at him like he had grown three heads. 

Hidan looked down at his hands. 

Hands. 

“HA!” He jumped up. And was gloriously tall. And on two feet. “AH HA!”

He laughed maniacally for a moment. 

Then a soft whisper caught his attention. Mary was looking up at him with that same expression. 

Mary. 

He lunged at her, still laughing and she screamed. 

She barely managed to squeeze away when his hand tried to clamp on her ankle. Now she was standing a few feet away from him but she still gave him that look. 

“H-H-Hidan!” She shouted accusatory pointing at him hysterically. 

“That’s my name baby.” He was pleased she called him that rather then the stupid cat name, completely unconcerned by how she already knew it. “Now get the fuck over here.” He jumped up ready to tackle her when a burning sensation invaded his ankle. He looked down to see Sasori clawing him mercilessly, blood ran down his foot in big red welts. 

“Fuck off loser.” He told him with a satisfied smirk and shook him off. 

Then he refocused his sights on his prize ready to claim her. 

But she was nowhere to be seen. “Aw come on baby, don’t be like that.” He wined at her. The sound of something being knocked over was heard in the back room. Her bedroom. 

‘Or do be like that.’ He thought happily as he followed her. “Here I come.” He called out playfully as he reached the door. Then wham! 

He was knocked back on his ass as a miniature bat came careening into his bare chest. 

“Fucking shit bitch!” He groaned as he clutched himself, oddly the pain didn’t feel good. 

“You have two seconds to explain what’s goin on before I knock your head from your shoulders.” She tried to say threateningly but her hands shook. He smirked at her then grabbed the edge of the bat that was pointing at him in threat and pulled her into his naked lap. 

“That’s more like it.” He purred at her. 

“H-Hidan!” She shrieked and he was also pleased to see the blush that started to cover her face. He wrapped his arms around her and put his own face to her hair and breathed in. She still smelt like vanilla. He could already feel himself getting hard. 

They were interrupted however by an incessant meowing. Next to them were the five other Akatsuki members, still kittens. All looking throughly pissed off. 

Deidara and Sasori scratch at him while Kakuzu and Kisame meowed incessantly at him. Itachi was silent and watching as always. 

‘What a mood killer’ Hidan thought with a sighed. “I can’t understand you guys anymore.” He told them. Not at all concerned. 

“The dream...” Mary whispered from his lap. “Your- they’re... oh my god.” She covered her mouth in shock, her eyes going wide. 

“If I’m dreaming don’t wake me up.” Hidan told her moving his lips to the hollow of her neck to taste her and let his hands roam. She sucked in a breath and pushed away from him, out of his lap. Sadly he barely got any of her sweet flesh. 

“W-What are you doing!?” She asked him holding on to her neck like he had burned her. 

He smirked at her. “Taking what’s mine.” Then he grabbed for her again but she twisted away. He frowned at her. “Stop playing hard to get.” He pouted. 

“I’m not playing!” She yelled at him, eye wide and frantic. “What do you want?!”

“You.” He told her with a smile. That threw her. She turned 50 shades of red and sputtered. “Your real cute when you get embarrassed.” He teased. 

She stood and huffed at him, then went to her room. Seconds later she came back out with a blanket “C-cover yourself.” She commanded throwing it over him. 

“Scared? I would say don’t worry I’ll be gentle but that would be a lie.” He told her truthfully. She turned even more red.

“You-You pervert!” She accused. He merrily laughed at her. Then, only slightly miffed, he rapped the blanket around him like a towel. When he looked back at her he found her squatting in front of Kismame. “It wasn’t a dream uh?” She asked him to which he meowed happily. 

“Forget those assholes.” Hidan told her making his way behind her ready to grab some part of her. 

“Don’t you care about your fri-“ she seemed to think of something, turning back to look at him for a moment, before she changed her word. “Comrades.”

“No not one bit.” It was the truth, he couldn’t care less. In fact this was the best possible turn of events. 

Just him and her. 

“Well if you turned human again so can they” She seemed pretty ok about this. Almost giddy in fact. He wasn’t sure if he liked it. “Do you know how you did it.” She was still down on the floor looking at Kisame, giving Hidan a nice view of her from above. 

His eyebrow twitched at her choice of words. “I’ll do you...” he mumbled under his breath. 

“What was that.” She asked him innocently having not heard and stood up to facing him. Her eyes reach his neck at her short height and she and to crane her head up to look at him. 

He groaned. “How should I know one minute you were hurt and I just wanted...” what had he wanted. Shockingly he didn’t think of the sweet taste of her blood but how he wanted to help her, heal her somehow. 

“You licked my blood, didn’t you?” She accused him with one hand on her hips and he gave her a proud grin. 

“Your delicious.” He told her in a deep rumble. She blushed at him again. He loved that he could get her all riled up and wondered if he was “bothering” her in other ways. She told him to cover up before he knew if she had “seen” him yet and he was curious to what she thought of him. All of him. 

“Ok, ok you can handle this... sooo, now what.” She was talking to herself and absentmindedly reached down a hand to pet a cat. Itachi. Then she looked at him, horrified. “I’m so sorry! Your not a cat, I-I shouldn’t do that.”

“I wouldn’t mind some heavy petting.” Hidan winked at her trying to get her attention again and she gasped at him. 

“You are unbelievable, I’ll give you a heavy beating if you don’t stop.” It seemed the blush was a new addition to her appearance. Hidan liked it. She was innocent but she still had a quick come back. He decided to listen to her as well, at least for the moment. 

“Well you can’t all go around like that.” She gestured at him and his blanket. After giving her lip a thoughtful chew she spoke up again. “I’ve got some old clothes in the extra room, come on.” 

She walked over to the door in the hall that hadn’t been open and took a deep breath before turning the handle and walking inside. Hidan followed with the Akatsuki kittens in tow. 

It was a small room with only one window. Boxes piled up in the corners and a hospital bed sat along the wall. A thin layer of dust covered everything. 

“Oh... I didn’t expect it to be so dirty in here...” she trailed off staring at the bed with wet eyes. Hidan coughed awkwardly. 

He didn’t know what she was thinking of but he didn’t want to have a crying woman on his hand. Though he wouldn’t mind his hands on her in other ways. 

“Right.” She shook her head and walked over to a box opening it. She rummaged through it until she found what it was she was looking for. 

“Here put these on.” She told him handing him a pair of pants like the lose one she wore earlier yesterday but much bigger and a white sleeveless shirt. He went to pull the blanket off when she stopped him. “Not here! At least turn around!” 

“Fine Fine, don’t get your panties in a bunch.” Like hell he was leaving so he simply turned around and make quick work of the clothes. 

When he turned back around he saw Mary kneeling on the floor holding an arm out to Itachi as she covered her eyes with her other hand. 

“Hey what the fuck is going on in here!” He accused. 

With a poof kitten Itachi was gone and a dark hair man stood in his place. He took a pair of pants and a shirt that were in a pile next to him and dressed in a corner without a single word. Kitten Kakuzu took his place. 

“It’s her blood that turns us human you idiot. Sasori already tried with yours.” Kakuzu told him grumpily after transforming taking some clothes himself. His eyes weren’t the same as they used to be. The red part of his eyes looked bloodshot but more like a normal persons would. 

Sasori was up next and Deidara was close behind him but Kismame was off in a corner not looking eager at all. So Hidan decided to fuck with him, why not. 

“Scared fish face.” He taunted. If he had any competition he doubted it would come from shark boy. The cat merely hissed at him and made his way over to Mary who was now waiting. 

When he transformed it was a shock. His skin, which was a normal color, was covered in colored tattoos, mostly blue, even his face had some. 

“Answers that question.” He mumbled to himself showing off sharped teeth and standing up, taking the last of the clothes with him. 

“Now what.” Hidan asked no one in particular. Six men looked down at Mary expectedly. Her eyes were still covered. 

‘Cute’ Hidan thought. 

“Well don’t just stand there get dress and head to the living room.” She sighed in an exasperated fashion. 

“We are all dressed. You may uncover your eyes Mary-San” Itahchi walked over to her and touched her shoulder gently, she blinked up at him and blushed. 

“Hey! Back off!” Hidan threatened him coming up to Mary’s other side and grabbing the other shoulder possessively. He would have to watch pretty boy. 

But she shook them both off and stood up. “Living room.” She said sternly looking at Hidan. Though she was still blushing. 

‘Game on.’ Hidan thought viciously.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She had never woke up. This was all part of that weird dream she had last night. Or was still having. 

Because there was no way in sweet, sweet hell that her favorite member of the Akatsuki were standing in her living room. 

Nope. Not happening. All in her head. 

It was all just some super weird dream were she could feel pain and, and... 

This couldn’t be real. 

Hidan, Deidara, Itachi and Sasori looked exactly like they did in the anime. But Kakuzu eyes had changed to look more normal. Well as normal as someone super drunk or high. 

Even more shocking was Kismame’s appearance. All over he was covered in tattoos that made his skin seem blue even though it wasn’t. Scenes of the ocean and what monster that lay beneath we’re the common theme. She had to admit it looked good on him. But why would he look so different. 

She guessed so he looked relatively normal. Well as normal as a heavily tattooed, blue haired, man of six foot three could be. 

In fact they were just like the anime. They mostly all towered over her with only Sasori being close to her height. And still the top of her head only reach his eyebrows, her eyes were perfectly lip level. She shook her head, that was not a productive line of thought. 

And now they just stared at her like she knew what the hell she was doing. I mean shouldn’t a dream like this take place in a more practical place. Like the worlds largest bed. And why had she given them clothes?! What was she thinking. 

Well what she was thinking was staring to show on her face because her dreaded blushing was back. You would think in her dreams she’d be more bold. Didn’t she want this. 

‘Come on dream Mary, grow some ovaries!’ She told herself. 

Itachi repeating her name brought her back to her senses. “Mary-San?” He questioned. 

“Please just call me Mary. We don’t use honorifics here.” She told him in what sounded like a whispered. She cleared her throat. She need to calm down. 

“If you don’t mind.” He continued “Where is here exactly.”

“What?” She asked dumbfounded. 

Kakuzu sighed at her. “What village are we in, and what year is this.” He sounded agitated. 

“Didn’t you see that anime yesterday... you guys aren’t real..” She tried to explain to them. How could they not know, and furthermore, why did they care. This is not how she envisioned this dream would turn out. And was this a new dream from yesterday, was it all one big dream. Was she in a coma right now?

Of course they weren’t real. This was all part of her alcohol induced stupor. Yes, that was it. But hey if she had more drunk dreams like this maybe she should drink more. 

“I told you last night we were real.” Kismame huffed at her. 

“No. Like this isn’t real, real.” She spoke like they couldn’t understand her. Hell they couldn’t. “This is all a dream.” She told herself. 

“Your injured. Why would you still think this a dream.” Sasori asked her in a soft tone. Wow she never heard him speak like that before. 

In fact most everyone was looking at her scratched hands with pity and remorse. Since when did the Akatsuki look like that. 

Then it hit her. If this wasn’t a sex dream it was a nightmare. 

And she was alone with six psychotic killers. Well maybe Itachi wasn’t psychotic but he sure wasn’t right in the head. And Hidan. 

Oh god Hidan. 

He would love to kill her the first chance he got, surely. And she could feel pain. She bleed. He would love that. 

Suddenly her breathing became hard and fast. The room began to spin. Oh god she had to get out of here. Why had she thought this was a good thing! She was about to die!

“I believe she’s having a panic attack.” Someone said, it sounded so far away. Maybe she was waking up. Good. 

“I was wondering when she’d do that.” Said another. She felt the world tip and she was falling. 

“I got you, hn.” She fell into someone’s arms before she fell into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just give her a minute to process.  
> I’ve discovered Stardew Valley... send help


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mary POV  
> Deidara POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank the reviewers.

Now this is how a dream should be. 

Fluffy white clouds drifted by Mary in a lazy fashion, she was apt to mimic them. 

She seemed to have no worries here. 

Or a body. 

But that was fine, she felt if she was to leave here only a headache would await her. She couldn’t remember what she had escaped to find this paradise but she was pretty sure she didn’t want to go back. Pretty sure...

After an amount of time she couldn’t measure a figure slowly formed from the clouds. It seemed in no great hurry and she watched it with a hazy eye unconcerned. 

It revealed its self to be a older man. Well build with and impressive head of white hair and matching beard. His blue eyes twinkled mischievously at Mary. 

“Greetings my child, does this form please you.” He asked her in a extremely loud voice. 

She tried to answer him but found she couldn’t. A bubble of panic finally started to form inside her. Something was off about all of this. 

“Fear not child. You must only imagine yourself before me for it to come to pass.” He told her calmly. 

So she did. She thought of herself standing in front of him looking down at her hands and there they were.

“Who are you?” She asked in awe. He was huge easily seven feet or more. And for some reason she felt like she should know who he was. 

“It is I your god Zeus. I have answered your prayers young mortal!” Boomed the white haired god. Mary looked at Zeus with mouth agape. 

Like Greek god Zeus. 

“Sure why not first the Akatsuki now the Greek parthenon.” She said throwing her hands up in the air, I mean what did she have to lose now. Zeus gave her a happy look. 

“Ah, yes my gift to you. The men.” He nodded thoughtfully, stoking his massive beard. 

The men? His gift!? What was he talking about? Her brain was staring to hurt. 

“Ah I see your confusion.” He told her. “ You see there are few mortals that still pray to me and your prayer amused me so, I decided to grant it. Though it was a hassle to get those souls back from my brother so soon. It’s hell to deal with him.” He laughed heartedly at his own joke. “Get it, cause he rules the under world!”

“Oh no I get it very funny.” She said with all the sarcasm she could muster. 

He looked at her confused “Are you not happy?”

“No! Yes! Argh! I-I don’t know! It’s just. It...it’s never goin to work...” she said. What was he thinking? What was she thinking!? She couldn’t be thinking this was all real, even if she wanted it to be. 

“Sure it will. Love conquers all!” He shouted with a laugh. She groaned at him. 

“Of of course Zeus would think that.” She mumbled to herself. Who didn’t the guy “love”. 

“Besides I can not send them away. Their fate has been tied to yours.” He laughed again. Did he take anything seriously. 

She gave him an incredulous look. 

“No really, their sting of fate has been tied to yours.” He clarified his joke with serious eyes. 

“Ok so am I to believe all of this is real. First off magic or whatever the crap this is. Then, that I have six men in my house that are from an anime. Brought to me be none other then Zeus himself. And what am I to do with them, really!?” If she was going to accept all this she had to accept he had a plan. 

“Have fun.” He told her with a wink. 

“Excuse me.” 

“You wanted a harem. A great wish if I do say so myself. Go for it.” He had to be kidding, right. She had been joking, well kind of. This was a joke. 

“They’re going to kill each other.” She tried to reason with him. The god was mad. He couldn’t be serious. 

“A little health competition never hurt anyone. Besides if you can’t take care of your harem maybe you should just pick one.” He said offhandedly then took in her appearance and added not unkindly. “Don’t look so worried they should all be submissive to you.” 

He was serious. 

“The blood sacrifice will only last five hours though. To give them human form completely you will have to share your body with theirs. Plenty of time.” He said calmly while giving a thoughtful nod and stroking his beard. 

“S-share my b-body!?” Did He mean what she thought he did?

“I thought you would have like that idea?” He was confused by her reaction. She was a little confused as well. Isn’t this what she wanted. 

But now faced with the fact she was mostly like going to have sex with six different men in a short space of time she was overwhelmed. Surely this was wrong. And possibly bad for her health. But she couldn’t lie because some part of her really wanted this. Like really wanted this. 

She wanted to feel overwhelmed. 

“How do I make them agree... to each other.” She asked not expecting an answer. 

“You have what they want. You make the rules. You must have noticed their attachment to you, that is all part of this. I wasn’t lieing when I said they would all be submissive to you. You can choose one of them, all of them or none of them. But you don’t have forever. Whomever you don’t complete the ritual with, they will go back to once they came by next full moons end.” 

She gasped. “You mean they’ll die again!” It was the only thing he said that really mattered. 

He quelled her. “Fear not child, death is but a temporary place. Now it is time for you to return.”

“Wait what should I do!?” She was frantic. 

“Only you can decide that my child.” And with that the dream like world faded and Mary would have to wake up and face her new life. 

Decisions had to be made.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The woman in his arms looked like she was slumbering peacefully even if she had just fainted. 

Though Deidara doubt she could do anything in an unattractive way. 

Hidan was staring daggers at him but he could care less. His wish had come true. Granted having the rest of the Akatsuki around was not part of his fantasy, but he was human. And holding on to the girl he liked as well. He marveled at how soft she was, he wanted to feel more of her. 

When Itachi mentioned he should lay her down on the couch Deidara huffed at him and held her closer. 

‘That Uchiha ass.’ He thought. ‘Always thinks he’s right.’

But when Sasori no Danna said she would be better on the couch he obliged setting her down gently but keeping hold of her hand. 

“At least she waited until we were all dressed to faint. That was nice of her.” Kismame commented running a hand threw his hair to try and make it stand up and get it out of his eyes. 

Deidara glanced from his kneeling position around the room that suddenly seemed much smaller. Hidan lounged on the only other seat still glaring daggers at him. The others stood around with varying degrees of concern for the woman who’s hand he now held. He sent a bored glare back at Hidan. 

He would have preferred it just be him and Mary. But he would have to settle with him being the first thing she saw. He didn’t have to wait long. He eyes fluttered slightly and he tightened his grip on her hand. 

When her eyes opened she was looking at their joined hands in confusion then followed his arm up to his face. “D-Deidara?” She asked adorably when her eyes finally reached his, blinking rapidly. 

He smiled at her. “Welcome back beautiful, hn.” She blushed at him. His smile widened. 

A loud clearing of a throat brought his attention back to the others. Hidan was standing now and he looked to be seething. 

‘Ha! Suck it asshole!’ Deidara thought proudly. He brought their hands closer to him to make Hidan even more jealous. 

“Ah!” Mary gasped as she went to sit up. 

“You shouldn’t move to fast.” Sasori no Danna told her stepping closer and Deidara put his other hand on her shoulder to push her back down. 

“I had another dream!” She said in a rush. “Well not a dream because this is not a dream., I guess. But like one of those vision dreams. Like we had Kisame.” As she spoke his name she looked for and locked eyes with Kisame. The man gave here a sheepish smile and Deidara felt a burning crawl down his back. 

He tugged on her hand slightly. “What did you see, hn?” He asked her to bring her eyes back to him but she looked down at their hands again and blushed. 

“Well I, uh, that is, um...” she started to fiddle with her fingers in his nervously. He pulled her hand gently again and she looked him in the eye. He gave her an encouraging smile and her eyes softened. 

“I met a god and he said this was all his doing. I would believe it too, if I would believe anything, he’s crazy.” Then she added under her breath “This is all crazy but” Before continuing. “He said the “blood sacrifice” will only last five hours.” 

“That means without your blood we will continue to be cats.” Kakazu asked clearly unhappy with this fact. 

“Oh boy...” She said then turned a serious look to Deidara. “I’m gonna sit up now, ok?” He looked over at Sasori no Danna and he nodded so Deidara allowed her to sit properly and sadly let go of her. 

She took a deep breath then looked around. “No, there is a way for you to become human permanently.” She said in a shaky tone. 

“Well!?” Asked Hidan. 

She looked down at her lap and mumbled something. She seemed extremely embarrassed and Deidara wanted to comfort her. So he put a hand on her knee and she almost kicked him in the face she was so jumpy. 

“Sorry” she lamented “ it’s just... um... we, that is to say, me and the other person would have to have sex... each of the other persons.” She was looking at her lap and was bright red.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to Mary.” Itahchi calmly told her. Deidara thought he really shouldn’t speak for everyone. He for one was definitely having sex with her. But the other would do so over his dead body. 

Mary was his. 

“No you don’t understand!” She pleaded with them. “If we don’t by the next full moon you’ll die!” She seemed frantic about this. It was a sight to see her so worked up over people she hardly knew. They had all died before anyway. It was touching that she would care. 

He found that fact she cared for him precious. But he found the fact she cared for the others a pain. He would really need to find a way to get rid of them. By the sounds of it he just need to fend them off her till the full moon. Then bam! Perfect life. 

Well almost. He looked down at his normal hands and sighed. Guess a guy couldn’t have it all. 

“I call dibs” said Hidan. 

Deidara bristled at his words. “She doesn’t belong to you asshole.” 

“The hell she doesn’t fucker.” He responded getting closer. 

“This is ridiculous.” Kakuzu mumbled. 

“I swear to god if you don’t-“ Deidara started standing, with a glare at the taller man. 

But Hidan cut him off. “That’s it. Your dead fucker!” He yelled ready to lung at him when Mary stood in between them and raised an hand to both. 

“Please no fighting . And, Hidan especially, you can’t kill ANYONE here. It will get me in a lot of trouble. So please.” She was looking at Hidan so Deidara couldn’t see her face but he could see Hidan’s face from above her head. And the asshole was blushing. Deidara was fuming. 

“Nobody better piss me the fuck off.” He grumbled then went back to his seat. “So how are we going to do this cause I’m not into no other guy touching you let alone fucking you, but I guess just once to live is fine as long as I make sure no kinky shit is going on.”

Everyone gapped at him. 

“As generous as that sounds I don’t believe it’s your decision to make.” She snapped at him. “I will do what I have to so you can all live but let me make this clear. I belong to no one and I decided when and what I do with my body.” She sounded firm and confident and it seemed she left no room for argument. Deidara marveled at her. 

Hidan had the gaul to look ashamed. Served him right, beside Deidara was telling him the whole time she didn’t belong to him. 

True that was because he wanted her all to himself but it seemed he would maybe have to share just once. But after that she was his and his alone. 

“Now I’m sure your hungry and you can’t wear those clothes, they barely fit.” She said looking them over. “I’m not sure I could make a meal for seven with what I have here so that means shopping.” Itachi flinched at the word shopping. “My car can sit three other people if anyone wants to come.” She said rather hopeful. 

Of course he wanted to go with her. He wanted to spend time with her but it would be amazing to get out of this now small house and see what was out there. But to his annoyance everyone else wanted to go as well so it was decided, by Mary, they would draw straws for the right. 

Deidara decided to pray to the god that had sent them here, who ever he was, that he was one one the three to go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh what was that?


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakuzu POV  
> Kisame POV  
> Itachi POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes  
> I’m sorry there’s been no posting. You see my dog of 12 years, bubby, pasted due to cancer. He was the best of boys. 
> 
> Think about it. What would ninjas wear? I’m thinking a lot of tank tops. Not so happy with the first parts but I refuse to stop writing.

Kakuzu wasn’t so sure he should stay alive. Especially if it meant spending more time with these people. These children. 

It wasn’t that he was opposed to the acts he would have to perform with the girl to live. Or that it had been years. Because it had been many years. But that certainly wasn’t it. It's just that he had been alive a long time and maybe 91 years was enough. Everything here was so new and different, he didn’t know if he wanted to become acquainted with it all. Especially without his forbidden techniques. His one and only heart felt heavy in his chest. 

Suddenly a sharp ringing sounded from the girl’s pocket. 

“Who could that be?” She asked as she searched for whatever was making the sound. “Oh god it’s Brittany, not her.” She exclaimed after pulling out a small rectangle from her pants. The ringing stopped for a moment and she looked relieved before it started up again and she almost dropped it looking even more panicked “she’s not gonna stop... Ok everyone just stay quiet for a second!” She told them then pressed the device, put it up to her face, and spoke into it. 

“Hey Britt.” She paused for a moment. “Ya, no I made it home fine.” She added. 

Hidan, the idiot he was yelled at her. “Hey what’s that? Who are you talking to?”

She gave him an incredulous look, her eyes widening. Suddenly indistinguishable yelling was heard from the device. Mary cringed and put it back to her face. 

“No no no Britt no! That was, uh, the tv ya, the tv.” More yelling. “I did not bring a man home!” Mary yelled back at the Device red faced. “No you can’t come over right now!” She yelled again. “Because I’m going out!” She paused once more. “No I can’t face time I have to go. Talk to you later Britt.” Then she removed the device from her face, touched it again then glared at Hidan. 

“I said be quite while I was on the phone!” She yelled at him. 

“That’s a phone? Where’s the wires?” He asked back like he had done nothing wrong. 

She looked at him like he was an idiot. Kakuzu was enjoying the interaction. But then her gaze softened. “I guess they didn’t have cell phones in Naruto world...” she said. 

That took his attention. So they were in a different world. “You still haven’t explained to us where we are.” He told the girl. She looked at him and blinked then surprisingly just blushed at him. What had he done, he only talked to her. 

“Well.” He waited for her to elaborated eyes narrowing. 

“Oh! Sorry. Oh god how do I explain this...” She fretted for a moment before sighing and hanging her head. “This is going to be a shock but the video we watched with Naruto, uh the nine tails boy, is a fiction animation. In this world things like ninja and chakra don’t exist. You don’t exist... at least you didn’t, I’m still trying to figure this out myself.” 

“But I felt chakra in the dream, genjutsu, world.” Kismame spoke up. 

The girl appeared to think this over with her eyes closed. “Ok so there is a lot that I don’t get yet but just know this is not your world. You can’t do things here that you did there, just like lay low, ok?” 

It would do well to keep a low profile until they really figured out what was happening, at least the girl was smart in that aspect. 

“And guys.” She said turning to the three that were leaving with her. “You can’t run off and you gotta listen to what I say or you can’t go, ok?” 

As Kakazu, Kisame and Deidara had won the illustrious prize of leaving the house and they each responded in turn. Him with a simple nod. Kisame with a huff. And Deidara with an enthusiastic “What ever you say, hn.” And grin. 

“And the rest of you.” She turned to them then focused on Hidan. “Don’t break my house.” 

She turned on the television and gave Sasori the remote, he smiled at her. Hidan was pouting, having not being able to go. Itachi was content to sit quietly on the couch. And with that they left the house.

Outside was a shock to say the least. As far as the eye could see were matching homes pressed tightly together. They all seemed a modest size if a little run down. There was cemented covered all the ground, not an inch of green space could be seen. Wheeled Machine sat everywhere. Across the street a man in lose fitting clothes waited on the corner for something, he glanced at them but said nothing. 

“This, is a car.” She said pointing to a mid sized machine. The “car” had four wheels and four doors with large windows but no visible outward way of motion. She opened the door closest to her, got in and motioned for them to pick one and do the same. 

Deidara took the door behind her leaving Kisame and himself to walk around to the doors on the other side. He took the one across from the girl while Kisame sat behind him. 

Once in the car the girl turned giving them a once over. “Well there’s only one place you wouldn’t stick out like a soar thumb.” She turned back to the wheel in her lap then put a key in a slot and turned. A loud roar sounded and the car came to life. 

“How does it work?” Kakuzu asked her. 

“Oh, wow, that’s a good one. Ummm.” She grabbed the wheel and off the car went, her being the one controlling it. “It’s a combustible engine...um it uses gasoline and oil.... you know what I should just teach you to drive.”

He wasn’t so sure he wanted to learn. She seemed good enough and he still wasn’t sure he wanted to stay. “That is not necessary.” He told her looking out the large window. There were many other cars in all shapes and sizes. Most bigger or the same size as the one he was in. He envied the bigger ones. It was a little cramped in here. 

“Oh...ok then.” She sounded disappointed, he didn’t care he told himself. 

“You can teach me, hn.” Deidara spoke up from the back seats. 

‘Hidans right He is a kiss ass.’ Kakuzu thought rather grumpily for some reason. He decided to take in the sights of this village and ignored the conversation. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A rather ugly fat man was staring quite intently at them. Mary laughed at him. “First time I let him use the washer he shrinks all his clothes, ha ha.” Then she shoved Kisame away mumbling about “wall mart freaks.” He chuckled at her mixture of embarrassment and anger. 

Deidara and Kakuzu had listen to her when she told them to “try on” some rather strange clothes but he would be damned if he wore clothes somebody else had on before especially if they had looked like most of the people in this huge store. He’d never seen so many fat or old people in one place before. 

And it was huge. It sold everything from clothes to food. It was packed with people of all sizes, colors and ages. Though he had yet to see someone as tall as him. Some men came close and a few were taller then Kakuzu but never Kisame’s height. And the tattoos that now covered his body seemed to be an oddity as well. He saw some, but never as many as it seemed he had. 

It only bothered him, but slightly, he told himself. 

He turned to look down at the woman next to him. Now that they were alone he decided to ask her the question that had been clawing at him since last night. 

“So what was that you called me, in the dream world last night.” He asked her and her face light up bright red. 

“I....It’s j-just a nickname...I came up with after reading a fanfiction where you were married.” She said staring at the ground clearly embarrassed but answering him anyway. He barked out a laugh at that. 

“That’s a laugh, me married.” The thought was never going to happen. 

She had the gaul to huff at him. “And why not?” When she looked up at him she had a slightly blush with determined look. It was cute. 

“Take a look sweetheart I may be more normal but I’m still a freak.” He gave her a predatory grin with his shockingly still sharpened teeth. “Not normal.” He added. 

She scoffed at him and moved ahead. “I find you quite handsome and exotic.” It seemed she was swaying her hips as she walked away. Kisame was dumbfounded in more ways then one. What was happening, his brow furrowed. 

She found him attractive? And was she flirting with him!? “Your not scared?” He asked her again, mirroring his words from the dream. And she turned back at him and winked. Hell she actually winked! 

“I find you horrifically thrilling.” She told him then moved on to look at a new pile of clothes, leaving him there. Dumbfounded. 

A smirk pulled at his lips. 

“If you two are finished.” Came Kakuzu’s voice from behind him. He turned and glared slightly down at the other man who had an agitated look on his own face. 

“Don’t act so high and mighty not when your dirty, old, man eyes have been leering at her all day!” Kisame hissed at him. 

The old zombie asshole had the gaul to look like he didn’t know what Kisame was talking about. ‘Fuck him.’ He thought as he stalked off after Mary. His previous good mood gone. 

Deidara had met up with her and they were picking out clothes for the others. Since it was a situation of their Akatsuki partners staying at the house she had asked for help getting clothes for them as well. 

Kisame had no idea what Itachi would like. They had never discussed things like favorite color before, in fact he couldn’t think of much he actually knew about him. Besides the whole murdering his whole clan thing. The guy never really talked. He grabbed a black shirt. 

“Ok so I just need to pick up some stuff for dinner now... what will feed 7 people...” Mary spoke more to herself then any of them and Kisame wondered how often she displayed that bad habit, if she even talked in her sleep. 

But thinking of her in bed had one thing leading to another and he had to fight the embarrassment of fantasizing about her. It wasn’t something he was really accustomed to and he desperately didn’t want anyone to find out he had been doing what he just accused Kakazu of. 

‘Now who’s the dirty old man.’ He thought to himself dejectedly. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Maybe leaving Sasori and Hidan back at the house had not been a good idea. Because Itachi was sure they would kill each other any minute now. 

It was verbally a fight over what to watch on the tv but Itachi was sure that wasn’t what the fight was actually about. Both seemed to be fine with just trading snark insults with one another right now, but that could only last for so long. Mary had asked them not to ruined her home and he worried that might not be a possibility. The tension was high. Itachi kept his mouth shut. 

So when the machine from earlier pulled up out front you could say he was more then relieved. 

In came Deidara first, he headed over to Sasori with bag in hand taking out a shirt for him. “We got you clothes that will fit, it was Mary’s idea, hn.” 

The older man looked at him unpassionately. “I hate that color.” 

Kisame came in and gave him a bag with a sheepish grin. “Here.” Inside were a pair of pants and a black sleeveless shirt. While Kakuzu threw a bag at Hidan wordlessly and took the last free seat on the couch, right next to Itachi. 

Everyone seemed to be fine with the fact Mary took her bags into the kitchen, alone. 

So he decided to go see if he could help her. He doubted any of the other Akatsuki could cook and it looked like none of them were up for the challenge. And he imagined it would be hard to cook for seven people. 

He found her preparing herself in a simple apron. She put away things she didn’t need, gathered a cutting board and knife, laid out vegetables to be cut. She was proficient and seemed at ease. She hummed a little tune as she worked. 

It took Itachi a moment to realize he had been staring at her. 

“Can I help you Mary.” He asked politely. 

She gave him a happy smile. “There’s actually not much to do I’ll be fine on my own, but thank you for the offer.” Then continued to deftly cut the vegetables into even pieces. 

He sat down on one of the bar seats that lay on the island across from her not really sure what to do now. He didn’t feel like returning to the other Akatsuki members but it seemed she had no need for him. Still she didn’t seem to dislike his presence. After she finished the peppers she moved on to an onion cutting it quickly. 

“So, um, how are you adjusting?” She asked a little unsure. He pondered over her question for a bit. 

Like always he guessed he just accepted the situation and went along with it like he had no choice. Thought this time he did. He could choose not to live. Only one thing nagged at him. 

“I wonder what became of my brother.” He told her truthfully, it nagged at him consistently. He try to reason that if he had died he would not have know what happened and he would have to just die to find peace. 

“Oh my god! That’s right! I’m such an idiot, come on.” She stopped cutting vegetables and wiped her hands on the plain apron then took one of his hands in hers and dragged him to her bedroom. They got a look from Kisame as they pasted near the living room but he made no move to follow. 

Itachi looked down at his and Mary’s joined hands. She had tiny wrists. He was quite sure he could hold both of them in just one of his own hands. She wouldn’t be able to escape. 

They reached the room and she let go of him interrupting his thoughts. 

After a quick trip to the bookcase she came back to him with a smile. “Here, I should have gave it to you before we left. I’m so sorry, I just didn’t remember.” She held out a book for him. 

“What is it.”

She gave him a mischievous grin. “Well I don’t want to give it way but it’s about Sasuke. It’s set a few years after the war, 14 or 15 I think...” she trailed off, in truth Itachi didn’t pay much attention to her after she said it was a book about his brother. 

He took it gently from her as if it could be fragile even though it was a simple paperback. She smiled at him happily, her eyes crinkling in joy. If she was so happy about it it must mean it was not a sad story and he found himself almost giddy to start reading it. 

“You can read in here if you want the privacy.” She told him kindly “I’ve gotta go finish dinner.” As she made to leave he grabbed her tiny wrist in his hand halting her. 

“Thank you.” He tried to remember when he had received a gift so precious before and could think of no such occasion.

Her eyes widened and a small blush grew on her cheeks but with him holding her in place she couldn’t turn away and he didn’t know why he didn’t want to let go. “Your welcome.” She whispered. 

Something in the air shifted and Itachi finally let go of her. She flustered a little then left him to read the book still in his other hand. 

Naruto the Seventh Hokage and the Scarlet Spring.


End file.
